my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

Not Doing – Attachment Parenting. Doing – Neurotic Mother. October 16, 2009

Hello Poogie,

Well, the a week has passed since I’ve been made unable to walk. I’m now proficient at hobbling on my crutches to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out and managing to avoid all small-baby-toy obstacles that may have been placed in my way without falling over (touch wood. tonight will be the night I go flying now, won’t it?). And I’ve changed. Well, perhaps not changed, just a few personality traits have become more prominent…

I’M A GODDAM CRAZY-ASS CONTROL-FREAK INSTRUCTION-GIVING NEUROTIC MOTHER.

And, the only one you have, I might add.

….

So cheers to my long-suffering sister, your Aunt Reegs. And to my waking-at-6am and not stopping until 10pm feverishly working, caring and cooking husband. I apologise. Retrospectively for the annoyances I’ve already piled on you and in advance for all the more horrid things I’m bound to do over the next few weeks. Sorry. I’m trying. I really am. But it is hard.

Poogie – I cried last night when you cried. I can’t get up to help you and cuddle you. And you dad was losing his patience a little bit ’cause you just screamed solidly in the ‘I’m dying’ mode for 20 minutes. I unhelpfully suggested that you should go in the sling. I knew I shouldn’t say anything, its just so hard to be there and hear you. I told you dad I wanted you. So he took you outside. I cried while you were gone. It is the mother-guilt thing. And the heartbreaking noise of your cries. And the frustration of being stuck, a prisoner on the couch. Not being able to pick you up.

Your dad quietened you down a lot, then bought you back in to me. He is a lovely man (patience of a saint). And I rocked and bounced you to sleep in my arms on the couch. It was good to watch your beautiful little face. And to know that I could settle you even if I can’t walk.

So. Yes. Attachment parenting. I don’t do it anywhere near the letter. I think its good for babies to have some alone time, and some time on the floor. Well, its good for you, you like it. And sometimes you get annoyed at being held, and are happy when we put you on the floor. Maybe its just the change in perspective. Anyway, though I don’t do attachment parenting to the letter, I do think that in general, lots of baby-wearing is good too. So I generally sling you about frequently. When I’m doing the washing. When we go for a walk that isn’t too long. No need for an excuse. Anytime is generally good. You have 4 different slings, three of which get lots of use.

  • Baby Bjorn for long walks. It seems to support you well and is good when you fall asleep. And good for jobs when I need both of my hands or are bending over.
  • Slingalong for short stints.  Its great now you’re bigger to go with when we go in and out of the car, ’cause its so fast to put on and off, and you love sitting in it.  But we still have to hold you with one hand, so not good for long distance walking or hand-busy things like cooking..
    the slingalong baby sling with poogie and dad

    the slingalong baby sling with poogie and dad

    sling loading poogie

    sling loading poogie

  • the sling that is just made out of a bit of material.  From the wear your baby website.  Easy to make, lots of ways to wear & experiment.  And you like it.  good for bouncing you around it.

    wear your baby - forward in the sling

    wear your baby - forward in the sling

Right. So why am I neurotic??

Because I’m having to restrain myself from saying, each time you cry and your dad or your aunt look after you:

Maybe he wants to go in the sling.
Try the sling.
Have you tried this kind of sling yet?
What sling are you going to use?
Are you just going to carry him?
No, you should really try the sling.
He loves the sling….

And I’m failing at least 3 times a day.

See. Neurotic. And that is just one example.

Sorry family. Love you Poogie.

mum

P.s. Note to self.  Relinquish control of parenting techniques to those who are actually caring for the baby.  Relinquish control of parenting theories to thoughts when the baby is screaming and someone else is dealing with it. ..

P.P.S..  You still are breastfeeding, of course, and this is still something only I can do.  And you and I have our time to feed, and for the most part, its still beautiful.  I don’t need to be able to walk to do it. And I can see you still love me.

P.P.P.S.  And you still come and play with me on my belly (I’m lying down on the couch most of the day).  And we move outside to the day bed on the front verandah and look at the trees.  And talk and tickle and place there too.  So I’m not doing too bad with attachment.  Just can’t sling you about like normal.

 

3 Responses to “Not Doing – Attachment Parenting. Doing – Neurotic Mother.”

  1. Grandma Says:

    Hi there Poogie/Oscar & Raky & Chris (& Reegan)- the mob!

    Just been up the country again to Lake Moogerah which is spectacularly relaxing because it’s very country. All the talk is of weather and dams and strange neighbours upset over the activity of cows…. Odd really to be returning to this after quite a few years away from Robert’s mother’s county jaunts in Maleny & Boonah respectively. Same kind of country really so interesting to see how I’m enjoying it now in a different way.

    Going out on the lake in the kayaks is a small adventure in itself at the end of the journey out from suburbs into the rim of hills around the Downs and border country. Birds wrestling with air and other birds and the human disturbance of their body of water and dead wood perches. This time I didn’t see any big eels or baby birds as the season has moved on from the last visit full of squarking hatchlings. Choppy water so no water shots – just shoreline twilight again and farm peacocks and early day with clouds over the hills. I can still not quite get up at dawn though the birdcalls rattle all about the shed – the luxurious camping option – hot water this time and a shower!

    I made a typically country arrangement in the yard with rusty old milkcan and mesh and frypan and another old farm implement filled with seeds and stones. Driftwood sculpture is de rigeur of course.

    Hope we all get to see this kind of place together as you get bigger little one.
    Hugs,
    Grandma

  2. vegancowgirl Says:

    hey,
    sorry about your foot! you are an awesome mom and you shouldn’t be hard on yourself – oscar looksso happy and in love with you. he is a lucky guy. AParenting isn’t about following it to the letter, it is a toolbox of suggestions – and you are listening to him and doing what is best for HIM – like putting him down sometimes. Aodhan loves to be put down once and a while…I am sure he gets sick of my boobies being in his face ALL day long. Don’t despair about this couch ridden time – it is a bump that you will all get over and Oscar knows that you are there and that you love him.
    (I have the EXACT same mental conversation going on in my head when Kevin picks up Aodhan…try this, do this…etc….we know our babes because we are with them all the time – don’t feel bad for feeling that way. You are just helping dad figure it all out).
    Be well!!!!

  3. rakster Says:

    thanks!

    … hope you’re still going ok.

    I read a book before I had oscar (well, parts of it) that I really liked that discussed this issue & more & what to prepare for a little & tactics to minimise the resultant antagonism: “No sex please, we’re parents”. An Australian book, but worth looking up. I think I’ll refer to it for a few years…


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