i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

…and all i have managed to do is attempt to put the clothes away…. November 29, 2008

Filed under: exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 4:37 pm
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Hi Speck,

what are you doing down there? Why am I so tired??!! I know I’ve had a big week – uni everynight and not getting home ’till after 10, work and then assignment every night, but really.

Today we did our final group presentation at uni, and I have come home to try to attempt to at least bring some order to the disorder that is our house. Your dad has been holding the fort for at least two weeks all on his own – when I’m just arriving, eating, sleeping, showering, leaving.. arriving, eating, sleeping,…. you get the picture. Anyway, I am attempting to get clean clothes put away today and have even struggled with that. All folded. Some away. Rest awaiting next burst of energy. Have had a half hour nap, think I might need a bit more.

your dad is cleaning the bbq.

hope you’re well.
love you


Hi Again – oh my goodness we saw you moving around! November 28, 2008

Hello Little Speccie!

How are you doing today?? I’m pretty excited this morning because I feel like you’re even more real – yesterday we went to the obstetrician & he did an external ultrasound and we could see that you’ve got bigger. I couldn’t stop laughing so it was hard for him to take some pictures of you, because my tummy kept moving around. I think it was contagious, ’cause the next thing that happened was that you started to wriggle around. A lot. In fact if I didn’t know that your eyes were closed (and potentially not even working yet or really there) I would have said that you were trying to swing around to get a look at us. Oh my goodness – it looked funny and cute and crazy all at the same time. Very strange thing to be looking at a picture of inside your own body and see something parasitical-looking (yep, you truly look like you could just be an amoeba or something that got in my drinking water somehow then grew to giant proportions – again – don’t take it personally at the rate you’re growing you’ll look better in no time) move around of its own accord… I can’t feel you moving yet, I think that comes in at least a few more weeks, but possibly even more, but it was cool to see you. Your dad and I got really excited. Your heart is still beating away very quickly too.

but I think as you get a bit bigger its definitely going to become mighty squishy down in there for all my organs..

So, the pictures the doctor took of you – the first one is you in the middle with your head on the left hand side of the photo as you look at it.

Speck you are bigger!

Speck you are bigger!

Next is where he was trying to measure you.   So the measurements are written on it:

33.7 mm long!

33.7 mm long!

Apparently all else is going well, but I guess you can’t tell all that much at this stage.  Apparently my uterus is just starting to pop out over my pubis, so that is the start of the belly that will develop.

Anyway, we’re both excited cause you look bigger, and were moving about a lot.  And you’re now over 3cm big!  So fast!

So, hope you continue to laugh down in there. Your dad blew you a rather large rasberry this morning.  Did you feel it & have a chuckle?

love you



212 days to go. and today I feel like counting. November 25, 2008

Filed under: eating,family,pregnancy — rakster @ 1:02 pm
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Hi Speck,

Hope you’re well?  I’ve been attempting to eat more healthily after Saturday’s chocolate binge – well, actually your dad is trying to encourage me, which is good.  So I have just had an absolutely delicious lunch of home-made falafels and avocado salsa on lebanese bread with yoghurt.  Yum.

Bad news on the home front – your great grandfather passed away over the weekend.  That’s a bit sad – ’cause you’ll never get to meet him.  Though I’m sure that your dad will tell you some stories if you ask him.  He is a bit sad at the moment and gave you a big long hug this morning.

Otherwise all is, I hope, well with you.  I am feeling slightly less tired, but that could be because I’ve just been going to bed at 9pm wherever possible and sleeping-in as late as I can too.  Overall had a rather restful weekend, so I think that helps too.   Your dad and I got some more books about stuff related to pregancy and what not on the weekend, and some kind of video too – hopefully you dad can watch this on repeat until he feels more comfortable with blood & gore.  He’s not good with that kind of thing at all.   your arrival is starting to feel a little bit less unreal as the days go by.

Love you


chocolate and to wax or not to wax? November 23, 2008

Hi Speck,

howsit going down there?  Your dad wants to know if you want to be baptised.  Since we’re not religious, and neither one of us are, to our knowledge, baptised, we’ve decided against it for you.  If you want to later in life, feel free.  Seems a bit premature.  Anyway, I think he was just more interested in throwing water at your head: the next question was “Can I squirt it with a watergun?”.  To which of course the answer is an unqualified yes, however I think he should note that children seem to like waterguns and as you get older you may return the favour.   But not in any religious sense.

The other strange conversation we’ve had today is about the state of my pubic hair when its time to go to hospital.  I have to admit, it was me that made a joke about hair removal when reading the hospital book ’cause it mentioned that you can get a hairdresser who comes to your room – but he then wanted to know if I am going to wax my fanny for when you come out.  Again, I was slightly mystified as to the reason he would ask such a thing – or even think about it – but apparently he is concerned that I might care what the various people who no doubt will see it will think.  Surprising, cause I’m not one to worry about that kind of thing at all! Sorry if I’ve embarrassed you, I guess you mum’s fanny is something no child (nor adult for that matter) really wants to think about for any length of time at all.  It does make you wonder though – do other women worry about the state of their fanny when they go into hospital: to hairy bush or to not?  Or indeed right the way through their pregnancy, all the scans, the OB visits??  Goodness, you could run a sideline business that was affiliated with clinics that specialised in ‘down there hair care’.

Too much.

Other weird hospital things:

  • why 7-10 pairs of underpants? Is this number arbitrary or does it suggest 2-3 changes a day for 2-3 days?  They don’t specify a style – is it nanna-knicker only or can you go with the kath&kim -style g-banger look?
  • camera, games, … jigsaws?    Jigsaws?  Do they mean jigsaw puzzles?  Cause to me a jigsaw is a SAW that you use to cut wood.  Surely they don’t want your dad to perform surgery on me if it all goes pear-shaped?  Urg!.   And if they do mean jigsaw puzzles, who really wants to play jigsaw puzzles after they’ve just had a baby?

Hope you’re well.  And enjoying my chocolate binge from yesterday.  I gave up on healthy eating for the afternoon.  A friend had a hangover and wanted a burger for lunch, but as we strolled along Darling Street looking for a burger joint, Adriano Zumbo’s new chocolate cafe just leapt out at us & we had to go in.  I had a chocolate milkshake for lunch, followed up with a few handmade chocolates that we shared.  Truly to-die for was the violet & *berry (there goes the short-term memory again, it wasn’t blueberry, maybe blackberry??).  Anyway, good.  I am going back another day.  I will miss Adriano when I move back to Brisvegas.  The cakes are to drool over – if you haven’t eaten / been there you MUST look: amazing cakes

and two reviews of the chocolate shop.

Have to run, we are going to buy a new baby book – your dad is almost as obsessed as me, which is fun.


love you.

get bigger.



correction – I got it all wrong again – symptomatic of my condition November 21, 2008

Size:  So, you’re not going to grow to be as big as an orange this week.  I got it muddled-up.  My uterus will be as big as an orange by next week.  Which makes sense, if you are a bit bigger than a big grape, that you have enough room to float around in.

Foetus/Embryo: and you’re also apparently not a foetus yet, you’re still officially classed as an embryo.  So I’ve had that all wrong too.  I think by next week a bunch more of your organs have developed so that you will be a foetus.  Or maybe its that your hands and arms can reach more.  Who knows.  Obviously not me.  The gist of it is that you’re still getting bigger.  As expected.

General Confusion and Discombobulation: I have lost my marbles.  I am now addicted to frosty fruits (an icypole with a pineappley kinda flavour), which I am buying by the boxful from the supermarket, and are about the only thing I can focus on for more than 5 minutes at a time.  I put my inability to grasp and recall the simple facts of your development (as above) down to this diminished mental capacity.  I think its possibly a good thing that I work in a male-dominated industry with all male bosses etc – they couldn’t possibly imagine how much my brain has turned to mush in such a short period of time.  I’m going to have to come up with some better avoidance / hiding techniques in the short term though.  Today I just called in sick.  Couldn’t face another day and felt a bit off-colour.  Figured I was better off not there.  But seriously.  I can’t even remember a phone number when looking it up in my address book long enough to dial it.  Scary stuff.  Adds a new dimension to the difficulty of the exams I am soon to face.  Ce la vie.

Yours in muddle-headed-ness (do I sound like paddington bear?) see you in 216 days or so.



Happy Week 9! Now you start to swim :) November 20, 2008

Hiya Speck,

I’m lying in bed as I type.  Had to leave work on-time after getting in a bit early and had intended to come home and study but its all too much so I took to bed for a bit of a rest.  Your dad just got home and he is cooking fresh fig and walnut salad.  Yum.

Apparently I had it all wrong last week, and according to my books and the internet, you are only just beginning to swim around this week.   What good were those webbed hands then?  I guess you still have them for a bit more, so do take advantage.  And you are apparently grape-sized, but by next week you’ll be the size of an orange.  Now that is a bit weird.  How do you grow so much in one week?  No wonder I’m tired. Other things happening to you: your tail is disappearing, and your are starting to get your boy/girl bits.  Lucky for you!

The hospital information arrived today. I read it but with a bit of disbelief.  I’m still not really sure that you are coming, and if you are, will I really have to deliver you?  Through my vagina in a hospital?  Oh my god.  The birthing suites sounded private and ok, though.  And apparently your dad should bring togs for the shower.  So I guess we can shower together when you’re fighting your way out.  Its all a bit surreal, I have to say.   Hopefully you’ll be born at the same hospital I was born at, and the one where two of your aunts were born, and your two maternal uncles and cousins too.  Your other aunt was born at home.  I watched when I was 9 years old.  Its still one of my most enduring and exciting memories from my childhood.  And my only real exposure to childbirth.  I remember thinking that your Aunt was going to get her head banged on the bed as she came out: she had a big head with black hair & it was two pushes before she was fully out so she was in mid-air for a while.  I think I have a lot to learn.   Hopefully your dad and I will have fun learning about it and be relaxed about how it happens.   I’d like to think so.

Love & thinking of you



cheese – your grandma is a thoughtful caring person but also a numpty November 19, 2008

Hi Speck,

temptation lies in the refridgerator, but I am going to abstain for your sake alone.  Yes, you know what it is, my favourite food on the planet: Cheese.  And lots of it.  And you have your Grandma to blame!

We arrived home late last night from frisbee (where I nearly fell asleep on the side of the field after our first game so your dad finally believed me when I told him how tired I was and took me home before the second one – sorry team) to a big polystyrene refridgerated box that had been delivered by courier during the day.  Labelled: “Richmond Hill Cafe and Larder”.  Mmm.. I thought, your Grandma is in Melbourne for work, and she knows I like food, so…  Started to open it and the aroma was unmistakeable – cheese!

Oh, I thought, I hope she remembered I can’t eat soft cheese cause of the risk of listeria…  And opened it to find six massive hunks of imported amazingly-delicious-looking cheese – mostly soft!  aAAAAAAAGGH.  At this point I laughed, and your dad started to swipe at the hunks of cheese telling me that I wasn’t allowed them so they were all for him. Anyway, they all looked amazing and I thought about breaking the doctors orders.. but then thought again.   There were two great hard cheeses though, so I ate a bit of them both, which made me happy.

After the laughter had subsided, I then thought about crying cause I really like my soft cheese, and I don’t know how I am going to last 9 months without eating any.   Reading the tasting notes for the cheeses didn’t help either – I particularly wanted to try the spanish blue one wrapped in sycamore leaves.  I mistakenly read the description out loud so your Dad of course dived right on in and tasted it to make sure it was good.  And it looked great.   He said it was fantastic.

At that point I started to laugh again, and decided that I had to share the fact that my own mother had bought me a total pregnancy contraband (but if anyone’s mother would, it would be mine of course), at great expense, I’m sure.  So I phoned your Aunt in Japan and told her that a big box of cheese had just arrived from Melbourne.  She laughed her ass off while exclaiming, “But you can’t eat cheese!  Everyone knows that pregnant people can’t eat cheese! Trust our mum to buy you something that you can’t eat.  No-one else’s mum would ever do something like that – hilarious!”…

cheese and tasting notes

So, I’ve slept on it and am now thoroughly reconciled to the fact that I can’t eat the soft cheese.  I’ve checked the cheese in the fridge this morning and noticed that your dad has added his NAME to the packaging of the cheeses I can’t have!  He can be quite possessive about his food.  I note however that the day after you are born I will again be able to eat soft cheese, and that the “quesos valdeon” in particular sounds superb (if that isn’t a large enough hint I don’t know what else will work).

I also note that your grandma is definitely a numpty.  I seem to recall that she is in fact the author of a book on food safety and hygiene which was recently published.  Suggesting that she should perhaps be aware of listeria & pregnancy but perhaps forgot to engage her brain and relied soley on her sense of smell and taste.  But I guess, put me in a smelly cheese room when I wasn’t pregnant, surrounded by a bunch of amazing cheeses of all sizes and textures, and all my faculties would desert me too.

Unfortunately, you and I are only able to experience the joy of soft cheese vicariously for the next 9 months.  Your dad is happy to oblige.

love mum


little fingers November 18, 2008

Filed under: development stages,pregnancy — rakster @ 11:10 am
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Hi Speck!

Good morning. Nice day and I am feeling chirpier than I was yesterday.  I’m going to put it down to the weather and the fact that I have finished another gruelling part of my uni work at the moment. One more assignment down, one to go then two exams.  Anyway, your Dad is just sick of me never being home at night and complaining and then just sleeping when I am at home.  Four more weeks and then that is all over.

Another reason to feel better is that we have a holiday to look forward to.  Your Dad has booked accomodation, so we are definitely off on a road trip in the weeks before Christmas.  A few days at Seal Rocks, a couple around Nambucca / Bellingen, then up to Brisbane.  So, its something to look forward to.  I am really looking forward to lying on the beach and reading a book and swimming and relaxing and walking on the beach.  Though I definitely do need new togs before we leave as my boobs are still expanding at at a (I hope) unsustainably fast rate.  Jeez.  You better like breast milk.

Otherwise its all quiet on your front, which is a nice change from the semi-panic I was in last week.  You are hopefully swimming away like a little prawn down there, with your webbed hands, and the tips of your ears are coming along nicely.  I am starting to think of you as a baby rather than just a blob – just now I was imagining how soft your skin will be when you first come out and how small your fingers and fingernails.  Sop, sop, must be my hormones.  I’m still feeling exhausted, nauseous at random times, and overall struggling with concentration, but I’m excited.

Toodle-oo, enjoy your swim.
love mum.


yes, its definitely me that is pregnant. Not your dad. November 16, 2008

Filed under: family,pregnancy — rakster @ 10:23 am
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Hiya Speck,

well, we told all your uncles (and one aunt) about your existence yesterday. Everyone was excited that you were coming along, though I’m not sure your youngest uncle quite got it at first.

The youngest one (at 11 years old) immediately wanted to know:
“what is it called when a person has both sex organs?…”
answer from your Dad: “a hermaphrodite”.
Uncle: ..mumbling…” we had a guy come to talk to us at school about … we asked if someone was a hermaphrodite could they have a baby and he said they could ..”
Your Dad and I : lots of laughter
Me: “well, its definitely me that is having the baby, not [your dad]”.

later in the conversation..
Uncle: “oh! that mean’s that Dad is going to be a grandad! That makes him seem soooo old.”
Me: “why, he is the same as he was before. Anyway, he’s not that old! Being a grandad doesn’t necessarily mean you are old: you could be a grandad at 32 if you had kids early.”
Uncle: “huh?”
Me: “well, if you had a baby at 16, and then your kid had a baby at 16, you’d be a grandad at 32”
Uncle: “is 16 the legal age to have a baby?”
Me: laughing!! “mmmm.. I don’t think there is a ‘legal’ age to have a baby, though there is a legal age to have sex, that might be 16, I’m not sure”
Uncle: deadly silence cause his big sister said the sex word.

Trust a kid! Anyway, your dad made both your younger uncles commit to being baby-sitters for you. Surprisingly, they were both ok with the idea I think. But that could just be ’cause you’ll be small and they will have someone to ‘beat-on’. Joke.

Otherwise yesterday was a lazy Saturday. Your dad is planning our Christmas trip to Brisvegas, and I was attempting to focus on getting some study done (I have to say rather unsuccessfully).

Hope you’re well down there!

love mum


food.. you are 8 weeks old! November 15, 2008

Filed under: eating,pregnancy,vegetarian — rakster @ 10:41 am
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Hiya Speck,

so, you’ve still been eating pretty well I think. Still no meat though – you’re going to have to wait until you’re out & on solids to be able to have some of that. We went to the markets this morning in the rain and wandered around buying yummy stuff.

This week its going to be:


  • mangoes – which I am totally craving
  • apples
  • poached pears with yoghurt
  • more hommus
  • couscous with chickpeas and veges (some really nice zucchinis)
  • fresh ripe vine tomatoes, which look good!
  • fresh corn

and other yummy things.

I have fried egg and avocado on fresh soy and linseed sour dough for breakfast now. yum.

Week 8

So, Kaz says that you have webbed hands developing this week. Good for you. Your dad says please keep them and you can have superpowers like Aqua Man.

I guess Aquaman does look pretty cool, though not sure with the genes we will be passing on that you have much chance of turning out like that. Your dad can only hope.

The other stuff happening is that I’m still pretty grumpy and getting slightly hysterical when I get too tired at night – sorry dad, i was a complete and utter crazy loon bitch woman last night – but the good news for him is that he is no longer repulsive like a slug and I want cuddles again.  Sometimes.  And ice cream cravings are pretty strong.

So, keep on growing – you’re apparently now 1 million (yes, unbelievable) times bigger than you were on the moment you started, and you’ve got lots to go!

Love & kisses