my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

Dear Baby…. you are always on my mind. May 25, 2011

Dear Baby,

 

quick note to let you know that you are occupying my mind more and more as the date of your arrival approaches.   It’s just that I’m a bit busy… so haven’t got to telling you about it.

 

So I intend each day from now on to write you at least a small note.

 

Today’s message: please hang in there for at least another 11 days.

I’ve had a few close friend’s babies arrive a few weeks early recently.  Please, just hang out a bit longer, enjoy the swim and the swishy noises of digestion and heartbeats, because I really need a bit of a break after I finish work this Friday (the reason I haven’t written for so long – lots of work and just tired tired tired at the end of it all)…  And then we want to go to the beach for the weekend with your little brother for a last getaway before you join us on the outside of my tummy.

 

I didn’t get a single day’s break when your brother O arrived two years ago, working up until the day before he came (not quite planned that way, but that’s how it goes I guess).

Those really strong tweaky feelings right down in my pelvis the other night sort of freaked me out a bit… I’m ready mentally for you to come, but not quite ready in real life: I haven’t even pulled down the baby clothes from the top of the cupboard yet….

 

So, hang tight, keep swimming around, and enjoy the ride.  please.

 

love mum.

 

 

Birth Story: “A Generation Ago” February 3, 2010

Hello Poogie ,

So.  The first Birth Story in the series is today’s reading.

This story is by your maternal Great Grandmother about your Grandma K joining the world.  So I guess now it is two generations ago, rather than one.   It’s very special to me and I’m really glad that my Grandma got to share it with us – it’s a sneak peek into birthing in the 1950′s.   Your Grandma was a very beautiful person, and someone who was always there for me during my childhood.  I’m crying as I write this as I still miss her (she died 17 or so years ago).   I really would have liked if you could have met her – you’ll have to imagine her based on my stories about her and some of the things she did leave me and I can share with you: a love of baking, reading (poetry collections) and going to the movies.

…………………..

Birth Story Details:

where: hospital, Australia

when: 1952

who: birth of your Grandma K

…………………..

A Generation Ago

At 7am on 30 May, 1952, I woke up with an uneasy sensation in the stomach.  My husband suggested that I rest in bed while he prepared breakfast.  As soon as the smell of bacon and eggs floated through the house, I felt nauseated and made a frantic dash to the toilet.  That was when the continuous pain set in – not the intermittent bouts I had been told to expect.  Breakfast forgotten, we took off for the hospital, foot well down on the accelerator all the way.  No relief from the thrusting pain at all.

By 7:40am I was admitted to the hospital where immediate preparations went into top gear. Although I didn’t realise it at the time, I was rushed into the public labour ward as the intermediate ward was filled to capacity.  As I was wheeled into the long room, I was horrified at the complete lack of privacy: only flimsy curtains separated the beds on which women lay in all stages of the birth process.  Some were groaning, some shrieking and a few for whom the ordeal was over smugly assured me how wonderful it was to have the birth all over.

My pain continued unabated while I had to endure that humiliating preparatory shaving and the putting on of those big white leggings that went right up to the top of the thigh.  When my legs were hoisted in the air, I was given that gas-mask to use when the pain became too agonising.  I tried desperately hard to avoid the use of this, but the continuing constant pain beat me a couple of times.  By the time my own doctor came on the scene, I was so exhausted that I felt I couldn’t stand any more of the unremitting pain.  In response to the sister’s urgings such as “You want your baby, don’t you? Try harder, harder!”, I made my last supreme effort and stayed conscious long enough to see my daughter held up in the air – and to hear one nurse exclaim, “What a shrimp!”.  I flaked out without producing the afterbirth; so that had to be removed by force without my active participation.  It was all over by 10:40am – not a bad effort for a thirty-eight-year-old woman producing her first child.

Because of a lack of beds in the wards, I was kept in the labour ward for the next five hours during which I witnessed births of all kinds and developed admiration for the hospital staff and the way they coped with so many different emergencies so competently.

I must admit, however, that I was more than pleased when a bed for me became vacant in one of the intermediate wards.

Footnote: When my husband came to see me in the afternoon, he complained rather bitterly of the bad headache he’d had all the morning!

…………………..

 

Birth Stories – hopefully the start of a series… February 1, 2010

Today I’m getting around to another one of those not-a-new-years-resolution resolution: get there with the birth stories. Well, start the process anyhow.  Did you notice I was digging around in the storeroom the other day looking for a book? It’s all related.  I thought I’d start simply with a letter I wrote to some friends a month or more ago – but if you’re reading and you want to take part, drop me a comment… home birth book

Hello!

As I think most of you know, I started blogging when I was pregnant & have continued on with my ramblings since then. One of the important posts that I haven’t got around to yet is finishing off the birth story post. I’ve almost got it down, I did most of it in the weeks after Poogie was born, but time is slipping away, and I want to get it out there. I’ve requested a dad version too, which is due before christmas sometime (husband read a book with dad’s versions of birth stories before Poogie was born to help with the birth preparation and found it really helpful). And I have an idea…

When I was a kid, my mother shared her experience having my sister R2, with our family, and had a home birth, which I watched. It’s still one of the best and most memorable experiences of my childhood. Perhaps another reason I remember it so clearly (apart from the event itself) was that soon after that my mum helped edit a book on birth stories. I wrote about my sister’s birth and did a picture, which was published, along with many other stories, in the book. My mum’s story of my birth and my sister’s birth, and my grandmother’s story about my mum’s birth was also published in the book. So. I had the idea before Poogie was born that it would be nice to publish not only his birth story, but republish those of others in my family at the same time, so they’re in one spot and celebrate us all. And, thinking about it further, I thought that it would be an idea to publish a few friends’ birth stories too – that is, if they wanted to share them.

So – here is my request to you. If you have a story (or two, or three) that you (or your partner or kids / family) would like to share, I’d love to be able to publish it on the blog. I’d be happy to do so. Just words, photos and words, anonymous, not-anonymous.. Whatever suits you best…

Love me

P.S. The book my mum worked on was about homebirth – but we’re interested in all types of births, babies or experiences :)

 

One week old and Oscar is your name-o. June 28, 2009

Hello Little Oscar! (you’re 8 days old today)

oscar snuggle time on day three.  23/06/2009

oscar snuggle time on day three. 23/06/2009

Welcome to the world again.  Well, the world outside my womb that is.   I’m suffering from sleep deprivation, sore boobs (cracked, grazed and mastitis-ised – erk) but otherwise great – I love you lots and have been spending hours staring at you each day.  I’m really glad that you came out through my VJJ without the need for any drugs, or other medical intervention (apart from a few stiches afterwards): I can’t imagine the last week and coping with all that your dad and I have had to learn on top of recovering from major surgery etc.   So!  All good.   I went for a walk today with your dad and you – a short one, but one nonetheless, and we’ve managed to get you in the car and out of the house every day to pop out and do something.  Tiring, but makes me feel like I’m not totally beholden to your needs 24/7 and makes it all just a bit more copable.

Anyway, life is rather hectic and so I’ve only just managed today to look at some of the photos we took of you in the first few days and pull a few out to share with some people….

I also need to sit down and find the time to finish writing your birth story while its still fresh in my mind. Might have to be in short-attention-span installments… Will try to get to that too…

So here they are: some shots of us getting ready for you to arrive and then a few from your first few days: Photos of Oscar

Summary of today is that you’re the best thing ever and you’re gorgeous and I am really glad that the lactation consultant showed me how to feed lying down yesterday. I can’t believe they didn’t show / talk about that at the hospital. Ahh. You like it to. You are currently milk-drunk and hanging out with your dad and aunt 3 & T on the verandah.

Love you

mum

 

the car is now baby-ready. come on down anytime. June 10, 2009

Hello Speck,

Quick note to let you know that your dad went out to the QLD Ambulance today and got the carseat that we’ve hired installed. So the car is now A-OK and ready for you to come on down and join us anytime.

your car seat

your car seat

I got detailed instructions from your dad on how to put the seat in and out with you in it. There are lots of steps. But I’m sure we’ll get there. Another step closer to being ready for your arrival.

What else? Well, you definitely liked yogababy yoga last night. It was a class focussing on trying to give your baby the chance to move around and get in the optimal position for birth if it wasn’t quite there when you went into labour, and a few things about relaxation etc. You were active all through the class, after we got home, and all night. You’ve been moving around down in there and trying to get yourself into a slighly new position I’d say. Your kicking has moved slightly from being on my left side at the top, to now in the centre, or even a bit to the right. I’ve switched totally to using the fitball when working at the desk and watching TV – normal seats just make me really creaky and stiff when I try to get out of them now.

baby capsule installation

baby capsule installation

And your dad and I both dreamed about me going into labour the night before last. Your dad is getting more and more excited as the time comes closer.

love you
mum

 

bye bye beach, hello winter… You must enjoy being home – a kicking squirming you has kept me awake again! June 9, 2009

Hello Speck,

We saw whales frollicking in the ocean yesterday, and had a great big lie on the beach, I think my stomach got a bit of sun so the outside of your home has a pinker tinge than before. But, we unfortunately had to end our holiday and come home :( …. I miss the view already…

view from our room - whales and surf

So, we trekked on back from the coast yesterday and I’m back at my computer, tap, tap, tapping this morning. You are also awake and active. In fact, you’ve been awake and active for hours. Since about 3:30 am. I think you got annoyed with me lying on you so woke up and prodded me about until I moved, and you haven’t let up since.

Your Grandad is pretty sick, so we’ve been over to see him this morning and he says hello. You obligingly kicked away while we saw him to let us know you’re excited to meet him too. Otherwise its all a bit uneventful. Despite having written a list of things to pack in the hospital bag, I haven’t done that yet. So I have to get to that today or tomorrow. And then we’ll be ready to head off whenever. I’m starting to feel a bit nervous about you arriving again. I wasn’t nervous for the past few weeks, I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing. But now that its imminent, I’m starting to worry a little. Come on pregnancy hormones, where are you? Don’t desert me now!

I can see why people get sick of waiting and just want their babies OUT towards the end…

love you
keep on growing a bit more (but not too much – you have to fit through my pelvis).
mum

 

excited. you are now officially full term and can come on down anytime. Week 37 hoorah. June 4, 2009

Hello little one,

how are you tonight?  I’m exhausted.  I gave up on working for a bit today and took some time out to go grocery shopping with your dad.  We now have hospital snacks for the birth bag.  And some food for this weekend!

YAY – we are going to the beach again.  S arrives tonight from Sydney – you and I are going to the airport to get her – and then after our visit to the obstetrician tomorrow we will head off down the coast.   The others will come a bit later in the day after work.   AHHH.  4 days of nothing.  and friends in a house on the beach.  and food.   I’m going to cook Galaktoboureko.   Yummo.

And we are going to swim.  It might be a bit cold.  But whatever.   I’m hotter than normal still..

So.  You’re obviously moving downwards as those sharp twinges that the pregnancy books warned me about are happening in much more earnest than before.  I believe its your head banging against my cervix.  A bit like shooting pains up from my groin.   But I’m thinking its a good pain as it means you’re moving closer to engaging.  So its all good.  Keep it up.  And you’re still totally crazily active at the moment.  Its like vesuvius down there in the lump that is my stomach.   So you’re doing something.  I have heard that generally babies go quiet for a day or two before coming out, so I reassured S today on the phone that you weren’t going to arrive early while we were at the coast.  She was a bit worried you might just pop on out.  And that everyone at the house would then want to accompany me to the hospital.  I said that they’d all just stay in Byron & then come and visit after you arrived, and that she would be lucky as she’d be one of the first to meet you.   Which got her excited.  But then she exclaimed, “But we couldn’t have the Bombe Alaska.  I mean, we could bring it to the hospital but I don’t think they’d let us light it!”

Mmm..Bombe Alaska.  See, you can look forward to a life with us of eating well.   I am looking forward to S’s Bombe Alaska and the beach…

yum yum

love mum

 

Hospital Bag. What to take. June 3, 2009

Hello Baby,

well.  Aren’t you an active little volcano.  Your mum is very not happy this morning after a shocking night’s sleep.  It wasn’t all your fault, but mostly hormones.   Woke up at 2:45 am and my brain was just “BING – ON!”.   With all sorts of half-real imagininings and panic and stress.  Your Grandad, my work, your dad’s employment.   All non-you related things.   Things to do, people to see.   Aagh.  And then got a major attack of the itches all over my body for no apparent reason.  I almost convinced myself there was a small spider in the bed that had been feasting on me.  But examination in the bathroom revealed that was all just ficticious imagining.

An hour and a half later I finally gave up and got up, changed to the spare room and read my book for an hour.   Yann Martel’s “The Facts Behind the Helsinki Roccamatios’.   Thankfully I was past the first story – the title of the novel, as that one made me ball my eyes out for about 20 minutes before bed the other night (though in retrospect, although upsetting perhaps helped me sleep better as I was emotionally exhausted by it.  Needless to say the other night your dad did his usual “what the hell are you reading”.  Tried to steal the book and throw it away a few times.  I protested.  Crying sometimes is ok according to my book-reading philosophy.  Ended up he still had to comfort me after the story, with his usual grumpy hug.  But I ended up with the book – so this is what I read last night).  Anyway, the story I read wasn’t exactly uplifting – small sections of a warden’s account of a man’s last hours on death row – the account written to the mother.  About 10 different versions.  So not happy, happy, joy, joy.  But it worked.  Took my mind off whatever it was that had been keeping me awake and stressed, and I managed to go back to sleep.   You then woke me a number of times – your movements at the moment when I’m lying down seem to be pretty major.  Like all limbs and body flailing around like you’re playing volleyball in there.   Its actually pretty disconcerting but I take it as a good sign that you’re healthy.   But yeah, overall I missed a few hours of much-needed sleep so today am feeling a bit shabby to say the least.

Anyway, in order to appease the rising anxious nerves, I haven’t managed to pack a bag for the hospital.   But I have written a list.   So I’ve made a start.   And you dad is in charge of labour food (mostly for him from what people have told me, but we’ll see), and he has made his list too.   Neither of us have got any further than that as far as I know.   So my list:

  • your dad
  • me
  • camera, charger & memory stick
  • cards & games for if we get stuck in a maternity ward for hours with nothing to do.  Or just so we can play cribbage between contractions.   Wishful thinking on my part.  But I’m going with it.
  • my phone.  yes,  I’m addicted to my iPhone and it is coming along with the charger.   How else am I going to communicate with the outside world if there is no wifi / computer in the hospital?   What were they thinking – its a brand new facility, where were the wifi access points, we wondered when we did our tour?   Yes, again, I think you are going to subsume my entire attention after your arrival, and perhaps I won’t be thinking about the internet at all.  In fact I really think I won’t give a flying contraction.   But these are the deranged thoughts I’m frantically having as my ability to reason / think logically seems to desert me more each day the closer you come to arriving.   So I’m putting it on the list so that my brain can stop churning over it and worrying for no rational reason.
  • a bar of lemon myrtle soap.  So I can smell it if I feel like it in the delivery suites.   Its a good smell.
  • a big poster of the rainforest / waterfall to look at in the delivery suite.
  • nightie
  • jammies
  • toothbrush, paste, hair wash, moisturiser, hair band
  • daywear.  That is on the hospital’s suggested list.   What the hell does that mean.  I think I will just shove random t-shirts into the bag on the day.  Whatever is clean.  Pants are surely optional when you’re in hospital and have just had a baby.
  • new big boobie maternity bras (yay, I finally found one that fit when in Sydney a few weeks ago, and then ordered up from the states – they arrived yesterday so now I have enough big-boob over-the-shoulder-milk-holders to hopefully be comfortable.  For reference – Anita brand seemed to be the only ones that came in big enough sizes and didn’t make me look like I was a large mono-boobed monster and felt comfortable too).
  • granny knickers – yeah, I’m taking the advice of a friend and buying up a pack of granny knickers that I can THROW OUT soon after you’ve arrived and we’ve gone home.  I looked at the ‘wearable’ knickers – those incontinence knickers yesterday.  One of my friends who is due the same time was given some by another friend who recently had a baby and said they were great.   Yes, maybe convenient and I know some mums use them.  But I don’t know if I could bring myself to put them on.  Too much like your nappies.    It might just depress me.   I’ll stick with maternity pads for the moment.
  • my ugg boots
  • my ankle brace
  • nursing pads to stop my leaky boobies
  • maybe a few cloth nappies so that we can get the midwives to show us some nifty folding techniques to keep your liquid poo in.
  • clothes for you -
    • 6 singlets,
    • 6 growsuits,
    • a beanie,
    • 2 pairs of socks,
    • and a blanket to wrap you in for when you come home
  • and newly added as of yesterday, something stylin’ to wear home so I feel like a superstar mum.  My friend I visited yesterday had a great vintage long dress that almost glows radioactively there is so much orange and green from the 70s in it.   I don’t know I have that exact thing, but surely there is something in my wardrobe left that doesn’t make me look like a bloated whale.

Ok.  Got it all out.  Can now relax.  Schedule relax time.

Love you

mum

p.s. Byron Bay weekend beckons.  I think I really need it.

 

baby shower, shopping for growsuits, downward pressure and lots of washing May 26, 2009

Hello Big Speck!

Well, its been an eventful few days – all about you and you and you.

Baby shower number two was on Saturday – your wonderful honourary Aunt T & Aunt S (& uncle L) put on an amazing party for you.   Lots of games and fun and people being silly.  It was a mixed affair – so boys & girls and kids as well.  It was quite funny to look around the hall and see at one point everyone with their heads down, concentrating on writing, writing, writing.  Answers to games, and birthday cards for each of your birthdays up to 21.  Pretty cool.   Your dad was the surprise of the day – he managed to win not only the baby food guessing competition, but also the match-the-celebrity-to-their-children’s-names games.  Go figure.  I came last in that one.   Mmm.  However I did win the “how many pieces of toilet paper go around mum’s stomach” competition.   Everyone thought I was being overly optimistic in my estimate (i.e. read they all think I look HUGE and I don’t think I’m THAT big); however on checking my 9 and 3/4 pieces was a perfect fit.   See, I know how big we are.  Your smaller Uncle J managed to catch everyone out many times by getting them to say “baby” out aloud using all sorts of clever conversational tricks, and collected a lot of pegs in that peg-collecting game.   And generally there was lots of laughter and running around.   And eating of tasty dips and treats all prepared by your dad (great hommus, babaganoush, tzitizki, garlic nuts, anzac biscuits -that was me, pita crisps, some kinda meat things that of course I didn’t eat)…  Oh, and how could I forget the “spit the dummy” competition.   Not surprisingly, the men seemed to excel at this one.   It was hard to remember not to eat and spit the dummy at the same time.   :)

your dad practising baby handling with the baby bjorn

your dad practising baby handling with the baby bjorn

Yes, and we got a great shot of your dad practising baby pacification techniques with the new baby bjorn and an astro boy doll.   He walked around with a fake ‘you’ in the sling for hours.   Not sure I’m with the ‘wine for baby’ method of settling, but we’ll see.  Open to ideas at this stage.

After baby shower action I was totally tired tired tired.   I seem to be that way at the moment.  You are waking at odd hours during the night, I’m waking myself with very strong reflux, and generally its pretty hard to get comfortable with a watermelon attached to your torso.   And the dreams are full-on.  Stressful and all-engaging.  I can’t seem to wake myself from them enough to realise its not real so I lie there for hours not sleeping thinking weird things are going to happen for sure.  Like I’m going to have to have to have a cook-off competition – muffins against some crazy person -  in order to be able to make sure I get all your clothes washed in time for your arrival.   Obviously important issues that my brain is turning over, translating into perfectly logical scenarios in my dreams.  Not.   At least I’m not dreaming you’re an alien or whatever.

So, the ‘getting things in order’ aka ‘Nesting’ bug has set-in.    Its pervading my dreams and my subconsious.   I’ve made it clear to your dad that we need the baby room ready.  We went through all the clothes and things we already had on Saturday night, and made a shopping list.   By listing all the lovely things people had already given us (lots) and working out what we still needed.   Mostly it consisted of mini-grow-suits and nappy buckets and the like.   So we  went off to do that on Sunday.   Shop, shop, shop.   Now, I generally hate shopping centres and shopping, but if I say so myself we did it pretty well,  a few major stops and we stocked-up on size 0000 grow-suits, singlets, a few pairs of socks, nappies (only found flannel soft ones), nappy buckets, a soft thing to put on the change table for you to lie on, vitamins, leaky boob pads, a thermometer for your ear.

So for day one, you’ll have:

  • four (4) – 0000 growsuits with feet
  • 3 long-sleeved 0000 tops
  • 2 -0000 long-pants
  • some socks (not sure how many you need.  We’ll send your dad out for more where necessary)
  • singlets
  • some little short-sleeved suits.  Though its a bit cold for that
  • blankets to be swaddled in
  • two caps/hats for your head to be warm
  • lots of nappies

All necessary baby things.  You got mostly white stuff and some bits of blue and pink.  There really are limited choices.   I’m not sure why its so boring, but there you go.  Stifle them from a young age maybe?   You missed out on new cot sheets as I refuse to pay more for a set of sheets for a 1m baby cot than I would on sheets for our full-sized queen bed.   Thankfully your Aunt R bought some of your cousins old ones over yesterday, so now you have something to sleep on.

On the shopping front – still to go is a baby monitor, and perhaps a breast-pump.   I don’t know how you possibly make a decision about which one of these items to buy – there are lots to choose from, they’re expensive and do you really need polyphonic rhymes on your boobs??  We were looking at these items in a baby shop towards the end of my shopping-attention-span.   I’m obviously confused.  The polyphonic bits were on the baby monitors.   As was the ability to play a CD through them wirelessly.   That is better than our house stereo.   Sorry baby, but that sounds a bit over the top to me.     Anyway, we ended up buying neither of these items – I think I’ll send you dad out when you arrive if either of them prove to be dire necessities.

Your dad has also been doing lots of things to get your room ready.  The cot is now all re-finished and ready to go!

your finished cot

your finished cot

And you?  Well, you’ve been moving around down in there quite a lot.   You and I went to the friendly obstetricians yesterday for our now fortnightly check-up.   All is good.  I peed in the jar, I managed to miss my hand (wooh! that is a good achievement when its hard to see past your belly to what you are doing down there with a little bottle), I’ve got a bit fatter, your heartbeat is dead-on average, my blood pressure is same as always (low).   Best of all, just as your dad and I thought, you have been making your way slowly down down down.   Your head isn’t ‘engaged’ yet, but its certainly lower than it was two weeks ago.  Now I can feel your head bulge right above my pubis bone.  And you kick me less in the ribs than before as you’ve moved down slightly.   So the obstetrician said all of that was a good sign – the moving down and the lots of kicking and moving that you do.   After coming home from the obs office, you seemed to have taken what he said to heart.   Yesterday was actually quite painful as it seems you were trying to worm you way into my nether regions, but they just weren’t quite ready for you yet.  Think sharp twinges and me wondering if you were going to come early.   I went for a very short walk after work and I thought that if I broke into a run (nigh impossible) that you might come flying out.   I’m sure you wouldn’t have, I guess I’m just not quite used to the amount of downward pressure that you have started to exert.   My hips and pelvis got pretty stiff and I couldn’t sit in my chair for work either – I’ve gone to the backwards on chair position, and am alternating with the fit-ball.

washing the baby clothes

washing the baby clothes

And finally.  Its stopped raining (though its still a bit overcast).   And since we have a bunch of new clothes for you, and a bunch of recycled blankets, sheets and other assorted items (care of your Grandma K & Aunt R), its time for washing.  So wash wash wash.  I did three loads of nappies and a load of whites for you yesterday.  While they looked very cute they took an age to hang out – lots of pegs!   Hopefully they’ll all dry today and then we’ll be almost ready to pack a bag for hospital.   But before we do that your dad and I are going to lie in them for a bit, maybe when we sleep, so they smell like us.  Lucky you!  Smelly clothes from day one!  Hopefully then you can get used to us and our smell will be familiar and good.

the first line full of nappies - this will become a common sight at our house..

the first line full of nappies - this will become a common sight at our house..

So.  Today.  Work work work and some more blanket and sheet washing.   Only about 10 loads to go!

Hope you’re well.  Sorry about the indigestion last night – you seemed to suffer through it and wake all night too.   We’re not going to eat rich potato gratin anytime near bed again.   I don’t like vomiting at 2 in the morning any more than the next person.

erk.

love you

mum

 

On the move May 16, 2009

Filed under: birthing,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:46 am

Good morning!

What are you doing down there? My stomach now looks like I swallowed a rather large soccer ball, but this morning it’s become somewhat lopsided. You were head-down, but I think you’ve swung around and are now slightly side-on. The hiccups give you away a little as they aren’t so low down this morning, but much more definitely on my right. Ahhhh.

Stay the right way around would you! At this stage head down is what we are after….

Love you
Mum