i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

hot today! can you feel summer in there? October 31, 2008

Filed under: emotion,pregnancy — rakster @ 2:56 pm
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Hey Speck,

how are you doing? Are you as hot as I am? Its a scorcher today & I’m feeling slightly queasy.  Again.  I assume its you making me feel this way.  And exhausted.

A friend rang last night & let me know that she is 13 weeks pregnant.  Due May 3.  So you may be relatively close to the child of one of my friends.  That might be fun.  I hope you are.
I’m still worried about you, but at least it hasn’t seemed as persistent a worry over the past few days.  This could be because I’ve been busy, or just ’cause I know its c’est la vie.  All I can do is keep on eating well and hope you’re all ok down there.  Next Wednesday should give us a better idea.

So, your dad and I bought a new car yesterday.  We’ve had the same car since we bought it with a loan from your grandad when we were both in uni.  The old car, while still reliable, was just getting a bit too old, and most of all, it didn’t have air conditioning.  The new one is a year old, has full air con and tinted windows.  And its all wheel drive & has a bunch of safety features so it won’t be such a scary experience driving beside lorries on the highway.  We’re both pretty excited – it will be fun to be able to enjoy doing things like going camping for the weekend again: it really was trying in our old car, loaded down with stuff and excruitiatingly hot in summer.  And, we’ll be able to hear the music playing as we don’t have to leave the windows down all the time to keep ourselves cool.  That’s our news.

Your dad says hello to you every morning and goodnight every night.  Do you feel him giving you a pat through my tum?  He gave you a hug this morning when I was feeling grumpy and didn’t want one but insisted it was his right to give you a hug and therefore I had to let him.  Fair call I thought, though again, hope you appreciated it!

You can look forward to your first swim in the ocean this weekend if the weather stays warm enough!

suck in the good vitamins I’ve been ingesting.

love you!


you are there! October 28, 2008

Filed under: exercise,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 11:02 pm
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Hi Speck!

Howzit?  Popped out from work today to the doctors to get a bloodtest following our appointment yesterday, and the doctor called just after 5 to say that apparently my body is trying pretty hard to make you comfortable and my hcg levels have risen from 526 two weeks ago to 36 000 today.  Which is a good thing.  I still need to go in and have a dating and viability scan with you, which is next Wednesday, but in the meantime its nice to know that my body is madly producing hormones to try to make you happy down there.  So suck them in and grow, got it?

What else? Well, you got your first big workout tonight too.  First night of frisbee summer season – you’re playing in Div 2 & Div 3 with me – so it was a pretty long & tiring but good run for the evening.  We went down in our first game 18-9 and down in our second by one point.  Really I didn’t notice you at all (which is not really surprising given how big you are), but I did notice the tyre-like fleshy protruberence around my belly which seems to mysteriously have grown since I stopped exercising nine weeks ago.  So that’s it – from later this week we are back on the exercise wagon.  The doctor said its pretty much impossible to shake you out, so short of getting hit by a car, biking to and from work is back on the agenda.

Its late, I’m very tired, and the naseous feeling I was having on the car ride home has now abated after eating toasted parmesan, tomato and chive sandwiches. So sleep well!

love mum

ps your dad says “you better love your mum you little shit”.  How sweet.


Eating for two October 27, 2008

Filed under: eating,pregnancy — rakster @ 1:52 pm
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By the way I should have mentioned that I went to the dietician on Friday, armed with the food diary your dad encouraged me to keep. Generally the news is good – the only suggestions she had were to continue to eat a lot of hommus, to start taking fish oil tablets and to eat at least two serves of protein often. So lunch today is tofu laksa! Enjoy.


…..zzzzzzz…… October 27, 2008

Filed under: exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 10:32 am
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Hi Speck!

Either you’re still there or I’m just incredibly tired for no reason.  I can barely get through the day to 7pm before I’m falling asleep at the table.  We went to Brisbane for the weekend and my stongest memories of it today are of falling asleep – at dinner on Friday, dinner on Saturday and dinner on Sunday.  I hope you’re appreciating the amount of energy you’re draining from me 🙂

We went and saw our house and I wondered where you’d play and what changes we’d need to make there to make it safe and fun for you.  I ate a few of my favourite spinach & cheese pies to make sure you got some iron.  We visited some friends & family.  And the rest is a blur.

But we’re going to talk to the doctor about you this afternoon, so hang in there & keep at it.

love you



Morning October 24, 2008

Filed under: emotion,exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:14 am
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Hey Speck,

well, no morning sickness at all yet, though I am very tired.  Though that could just be because I’m stressed.  Too much to do at work and behind in my uni work (again).  I just don’t know when I’ll have time to catch up, because we’re off to Brisvegas tonight for the weekend and it will be pretty busy.  I need to fit some research on my assignment in there somewhere though.

I’m still worried about you, but kinda resigned to just having to wait and see.  Keep it up.

love you.



Oh, maybe you’re not ok? please keep on growing.. we love you. October 22, 2008

Filed under: eating,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 2:38 pm
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Dear Speck,

hiya down there.  We’ve just been for the scan.  Are you ok?  I hope so.  Still not sure.

We went to the clinic and I managed to scull about a litre of water in the taxi on the way from work because I’d forgotten to drink a bunch beforehand.  You’re supposed to have a full bladder for the first part of the examination to make it easier to see.  Well, I’m not sure that much of it made it to my bladder but I had drunk so much I felt ill.  My own fault.  Next time I’ll be better prepared.  I met your dad at the clinic and we went in to see the technician.

We were there for a ‘dating and viability’ scan.  But apparently they do expect you to know such things as the exact day your last period started, and how long your normal cycle is.  So the ‘dating’ and viability part only works out if they know approximately how old you should be.  And I really don’t know.  Basically we could see a dark area which the technician said was ‘a pregnancy’, but it was difficult to gauge if everything is going ok, or if its not.  She thought you were a size that indicated you were about 5 weeks old, which didn’t quite tally with the dates I thought about.  They date you from the first day of your last period, and since I’m not 100% sure, it was a bit difficult.

The short of it is that you’re only about 5 weeks old, or you’re too small for your age.  Its a bit scary.  You are in the right spot though, there is a gestation sac that you look like you’re in (though we couldn’t see you, just the sac).  So I’m pretty worried.  We tried to work backwards again, but its hard to work out exactly when I had my last period, because I had just had an operation, we went on holidays, and all of those things (read – mum not so good at keeping track of things like dates and regularity of period etc.  I mean really, its annoying at the best of times, I try not to think about it or let it impact my life as much as possible).  Optimistically, I definitely had my period on the 13th, so by that measure you are only just 5.5 weeks old, which tallies with how big and developed you were on the scan.  But I thought it was a few days before that.  I thought it was more like the 8th, which puts you just over 6 weeks… I guess its only a week, and your Dad thinks that maybe you floated around looking for a comfy spot to land for a long time.  Sometimes it can take up to 7 days, he’s read, so perhaps you’re just a young 5-6 weeks.  And perfectly sized.  I hope so.

Anyway, I’m going to keep eating well for you.  We already have an appointment with the GP in 5 days time, on Monday, and we’ve optimistically made an appointment for another ultrasound to see how big you are in two weeks time.  I hope you’re ok.

love you!  (even though you’re tiny).



Exhuasted October 21, 2008

Filed under: exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 3:52 pm

Hiya you,

Are you as tired as I am? I’m trying desperately to stay awake at work while people in the meeting I’m in seek for my input on scintilating topics like subscriber migrations and number management.

I have a meeting tonight after work with my uni assignment group, not sure that I’ll be any use at all!


Work October 20, 2008

Filed under: exercise,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:44 am
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Dear Speck,

Hi, work today (I’m on lunch – and yes, I’m eating healthily – a hommus & salad sandwich).  Maybe I’m just overtired, but I am finding it more difficult than normal to concentrate & focus on what I need to do while I’m here today.  I’m pretty worried about what we’ll see when we try to take a look at you on Wednesday.  Are you in the right spot?  Have you got a head and a tail?  What will they actually see?

I caught the bus and train to work today.  I was originally planning on riding my bike again from this week (7 weeks after the operation) but all the things I’ve read on the internet and in books about exercise and what I’m allowed to do with you aren’t 100% clear.  Apparently if I overheat for a long time this can be really bad for you, so I should limit myself to moderate exercise.  Generally my daily commute over the Anzac and the Sydney Harbour Bridge takes a good 45 minutes each way and is a hard slog.  There are a lot of hills.  So I want to see how you are doing on Wednesday, then talk to the doctor about whether taking you on this daily journey is going to be ok.  Hopefully it will be ok at least for a little while longer – I enjoy my daily ride.  I’ve got an appointment with the GP on Monday.  So, for the rest of this week I think I’ll walk home from the city to get some exercise.

Funny I was talking to your Dad yesterday about cycling, and he was surprised when I suggested it might be difficult for me to ride because my centre of balance will change.  I guess he forgot that you are going to grow into a large round thing that protrudes from my mid-section.  He’s really keen for you to come and join us but I suspect he severley underestimates the impact you’re going to have on our lives.  A welcome impact, I should clarify, but I think it is going to be SO much bigger than he thinks.  I suspect this cause he’s not always that understanding of other people & the way they deal with their children – sometimes he’s a little quick to judge or say, “we won’t do that”, when I think you can’t know the whole story & also what is happening for them.  Perhaps thats just me being paranoid & judging him as a stereotypical boy.  But I think that its just different.  And maybe I’m being a bit oversensitive & over-the-top.  Anyway, you’ll love him, he’s a great person & he’ll be an amazing dad.   I’m a bit worried about you but you shouldn’t be.  If you do come out with 4 legs and 3 arms – your Dad will come up with a special game just for you – I’m sure of it!

So.  Lunch break over.  Going to go and do some real work…

love you!

ps.  my stomach was sore last night, I think it was your fault – please desist from whatever it was that you were doing.  It felt like you were trying to climb out of my belly button. I did sleep better overall though so perhaps you’ll be better rested too and therefore gentler tonight.


Howdy stranger. I can’t stop thinking about you! October 19, 2008

Filed under: healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 12:59 pm
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Hello Speck! Sunday today – relaxing in the garden.

Well, blood tests on Friday showed that something is definitely there which is making me produce pregnancy hormones. I do hope its you (see, still in slight shock / denial)!

Apparently there was about a measure of 500 somethings. The doctor told me this doubles every day. Normal levels are less than 50? I could have that all wrong. But basically it means you’re there, and I need to wait a few more days until you’re a bit bigger before I go and get a “viability” check. That sounds scary, and I think it is really. But I guess we just have to wait & see. That’s on Wednesday.

Yesterday I did my corporate finance mid-semester exam, which surprisingly wasn’t too hard. I managed to concentrate for 2.5 hours and only thought about you about 10 times in that 2.5 hour period. In between net present value calculations. Fun. Finished that, then your dad came and picked me up and we to the bookshop and bought the Kaz Cooke “Up the Duff” book which I’ve seen at other people’s houses; went car shopping (we nearly bought a new one in the heat of the moment but I think wisely decided we were rushing into things & needed some time to think); and then we went over to Coogee for a BBQ at Deano’s. It was a glorious day – a bit hot but blue and not too sweaty. Sat around and drank ginger beer (yep, no more wine for a while I’m afraid – sorry about that glass the other day – I’m feeling guilty even though Kaz has told me its not going to kill you) and had a great hunk of fish and salad. After a few hours I felt pretty tired, so we had a quiet night at home. With another night of intermittent sleep. God, I hope I can sleep normally again soon. I need to do some more breathing exercises before going to bed perhaps.

Today is Sunday and your dad has gone to Bunnings to buy some tomatoes. I must be pregnant because there is something definitely weird with my hormones – one minute I’m happy & dancing around the house (like now to a live version of Daft Punk’s Harder Faster Deeper Stronger – which rocks – very jealous of your Aunt going to the concert last year in Japan) and the next minute I’m crying for no reason. He is planting out the back garden with some summer herbs.

The garden here doesn’t get very much sun in winter, so they all seem to die-off. I’ve read this morning that I should also be eating lots more parsley. Hopefully he’ll pick some of that up too.

I was going to go and buy a new bikini today but I’m not sure now if I can be bothered. Its all too far away. I might just do it another time instead. Maybe I should go & buy some wheatbran and eat it by the kilo. It seems like it has a bunch of nutritionally useful things that might help you grow up to be healthy & happy. As you can see I am presently obsessed with what I should or not be eating. The last chapter of Kaz focussed on that. Your dad was offended that I thought he wasn’t doing a good enough job looking after me and cooking a balanced diet for me when I read the book this morning and came up with suggestions to change our diet slightly. I didn’t mean to offend him at all – he does an amazing job – but I think my nutrition requirements will be somewhat different having to cater for you as well.

Hope you’re well down there. Get some rest.

love mum


Speck Day Two. Hello… Are you still there? Do you have a heartbeat yet? October 17, 2008

Hi Speck!

It’s your mum here.  I’m feeling a bit more confident about writing in the first person now that I’ve had almost 24 hours to think about the fact that I’M PREGNANT with you (I feel like shouting and jumping up and down with glee every time i think that or say it out aloud).   It’s all a bit of a strange feeling.  Your dad is totally excited and is now putting my annoying behaviour every 5 minutes down to hormones.  I suspect this will continue for at least a few years now.

So I didn’t tell you this but yesterday we went to the doctor.  I had an operation about six weeks ago to have a cyst taken from beside my left ovary, and yesterday was the 6 week follow-up.  The doctor was busy trying to tell us that he thought my reproductive system was all ok (well, at least that my fallopian tubes worked) as he’d checked it after the operation by running blue dye through them.  I had to interrupt and let him know that we thought they were ok too, because I appeared to be pregnant.  It feels strange telling people.  I have found myself saying that I “might be pregnant”.   Your dad and the doctor both said that there is usually a “pregnant” or “not pregnant” and nothing much in-between.  I think I’m still coming to terms with it (happily, but warily too…  ).

The doctor referred me to go and get a blood test which will hopefully tell us how much of the pregnancy hormone I have floating around in my blood, which might let us know a bit better how old you are and that you are in the right spot (ie in my uterus rather than somewhere else).  I went and got the blood test this morning and will get the results back this afternoon.  I must say though, that you are very distracting and I am finding it hard to concentrate.  I have a corporate finance exam tomorrow and I should be studying, but at this stage it seems relatively insignificant.  So.. awaiting blood test results.  By the way, I should make the point now that I absolutely HATE blood tests – they make me feel so sick that I feel queasy just thinking about it.  I’m sorry if this is stressful for you too – perhaps I’ll get better as we go along – I’ve heard from friends that I might start to feel like a pin cushion during this pregnancy.

We celebrated last night with some home-cooked Mexican food.  Yum.  Your dad cooked while I sat and wrote the first post and then madly looked at pregancy websites trying to work out what is happening to me and you at the moment and what comes next.  We were going to buy a book on the way home from the doctor but he wisely suggested I should wait until after my exam.  That was probably good advice but I find I’m totally distracted by you regardless (I’ve set myself another half an hour and then I REALLY am going to go and study). I also started to write some lists.  Lists of things I need to do in order to get ready for you.  I’m sure it will be never-ending, but a few things that I thought of straight away were things the doctor mentioned and things I’ve been wanting to do when I did get pregnant..  The lists we’ve got are:

  • things to organise.. this is going to be never-ending
  • bets on the date you’ll join us outside my stomach
  • names we think you might have (by the way, we decided since you were still so small and spitting up and growing all the time each day at the moment that we’d call you Speck.  But we also decided that as you get bigger we might have to come up with a different name for you.  Hope you don’t get too confused).

I also introduced you to JJJ and we did some dancing.  I expect you’ll hate the music I like as I generally dislike my mother’s music, but at least you’ll hopefully have at least some sense of a beat.

I didn’t sleep very well as I think my brain went into overload thinking about all the things we need to do before you arrive, and the fact that you’re coming at all really.  We’ve wanted to have you for a while, but now you’re coming it is all a bit daunting.   So this morning this is what I’ve done (see you’re already taking up a lot of my day…):

  • phone the hospital to make an appointment and book in your birth (who would have thought you need to do this so soon??? – but the doctor advised they do get booked out)
  • gone to the pathology place and had a blood test.  I thought I coped pretty well really.  I didn’t pass out this time (i did last time).
  • made sure I ate breakfast for once.   Scrambled eggs to get you some protein.  I’m still vegetarian and one of the things on my list is to go and check my diet with the dietician so I don’t starve you of the things you need…  By the way, I’m really sorry that I skipped breakfast on you a bunch of times earlier this month.
  • phoned the childcare centre & put in an application for you.  Apparently its so busy you might not even get in for kindy.  Considering still really just a little Speck in my uterus (hopefully) it seems a sad reflection on our society that there might be no-where for you to go play with other kids while I do some work.

My half-hour is almost up.  I can’t decide if I am feeling queasy because I potentially have a mild form of morning-sickness (I think I felt like this for a while at work yesterday before I did the test but was busy and just put it down to being a bit off-colour); or if I am just over-excited.

I hope you’re doing well today.   Have a bit of a boogie down there & don’t take it too seriously.  I’m probably just a worry wart.

love you