my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

sleeping through the night? not yet? August 19, 2010

Hi Little Poogie,

you are fast asleep in your cot and I wish I were sleeping too.  We had night three (I thought night four but your dad thinks night three, he is probably right as I’m starting to not be able to think straight) of trying to get you back to sleeping right on through the night again after a period of not doing so (yes, it was a one-off that night).

And gee, I’m sure it was easier when you were a bit younger.  Now your fighting / resistance skills have increased.

Day one was fine.  You woke up at 2am, I gave you a cuddle and a bit of a walk, calmed you down and you went back in your cot and back to sleep until 7am.

The next night you woke at 2:30 am and then stayed awake until 4:15, fighting sleep.

Same last night.

Me, a bit of a jumbling, crazy person who can’t quite think straight today.

you, tired.  You were more intent on eating the floating toy duck at swimming lessons today than actually swimming.

aaaaghh..

this better work.

mum

 

you know the mother with the screaming child in the shopping center… March 5, 2010

Picture a SCREAMING child being pushed in a stroller around the suburban shopping center by a very harrassed and wild-haired looking mother. Wayward glances from strangers (some sympathetic – most, a few judgemental) as the loud stroller starts to go in indiscriminately crazy loops and the mother’s breathing increasingly becomes jagged as she initially tries to continue shopping (but is in reality just pushing the stroller round the same old stands of generic boring clothing with an increasing fervour while not actually seeing any of the clothes at all) and she struggles to retain any sense of composure and “I’m the parent & I’m in control” feeling before fleeing for the closest exit with the wailing trailing down the escalators to follow her out into the heat of the carpark.

That was us this afternoon.

After another night of sleeplessness and random feeding, I for some reason decided that today was the day to go to the shopping center to try to find some clothes that fit me.

What the hell was I thinking? (more…)

 

desperate measures… aka brain-addled and dazed mother. March 3, 2010

Filed under: Parenting,Raising a Child — rakster @ 5:11 pm
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Hi Poogie,

we had a lovely dinner with everyone on your Grandma K’s side of the family last night. And when chatting to Aunt 2 (Rhy) she reminded me that she had been to visit us before work last week. When prompted, I had a vague memory of it,

Me: “Oh yeah, I remember”.  Thinking vaguely that I did remember her coming one morning early.

Rhy: “You were tired and kind of out-of-it.”

Me: thinking, mmm,  I recall having very large bags under my eyes for a few days in the past few weeks.  Maybe it was one of those days.  “It’s all a bit hazy now I think about it.”

Rhy: “Yeah, you were so out of it you fell asleep in O’s cot.”

(more…)

 

windscreen washing the inside of my uterus March 11, 2009

Hello Little Round Ball (’cause there is no way you are a speck anymore, its a round ball down in there…  you’re still my Speck, but your house is shaped more like a ball),

how are you?  I’m tired again.  Exhausted in fact.  Yes, I know I’m commuting Sydney-Brisbane, and that is a bit tiring, but I’m disproportionally tired.  It started last week.  The weekend was good but I could barely keep my eyes open at night.  We went to G&Ks for a barbeque on Friday night and it was only 8:15pm when I had to leave and go home – I was going to fall asleep at the table.

You on the other hand have been moving around like you’re in an aerobics championship.   You’ve got some new moves too – they started on Saturday.  Lying in bed on Saturday morning I noticed something different.   You now do big sweeping movements with feet and or hands – right across my belly.  If you can think of someone washing the inside of a car windscreen with big round movements, that’s what it feels like you’re doing.  Lots of that and less of the one-off kicking.  It feels pretty freaky to be honest.  It just lasts so long.  I think the short sharp kicks were easier to deal with.  And you’re definitely growing at a rapid rate, as now when I feel you moving around – I feel as though I can tell where your head, legs and arms are pretty often.  And every time you’re wiggling about and doing tumble turns.  Which is frequently.

I couldn’t sleep last night.  After a while, you woke up too and started to do the calesthenics.  You kick really hard now – if I’m looking at my stomach I think I can almost see where your foot pokes the stomach out.  Anyway, I figured that I may as well practice ‘training you in acrobatics’ for fun, like the girl I work with is going to do with her baby.  I thought it was a bit of a joke, but pushed just where you had kicked, and then you thumped back even harder than the first time.  I moved my fingers a few cm along my stomach from where the original kick was and pushed again, and, surprise, you moved and kicked back in the new position.  Funny.  I did it a few times after which you settled down again.   I then gave you a massage, which you seemed to like.  I’m starting to feel now that you’re really a little person in there.  Before you were just a ‘baby’.  Some kind of growing blob.  Now you are starting to feel more and more real.   I had a chat to you last night while massaging and I was wondering what you were thinking.  ‘Cause I think you’re thinking now.  I wish you’re Dad could feel these changes in you too – I think its definitely part of the ‘mum’ gets used to baby coming along part of being pregnant for nine months.  Last night you felt like a boy to me.  A month ago while walking home one night I had a premonition that you were a girl.   So, I obviously don’t know.

We went and met your obstetrician in Brisbane last Friday.  He is very relaxed.  He told me to eat anything, just avoid bungee jumping and advised not to take up heroin at this point.   I think I can manage that.  Your dad and I were surprised when we looked at the chart to see how big you are now.  No wonder I can feel you – you’re much bigger than a coke can (which is where I thought you were at).  I guess you won’t know him, but be reassured he is a very amicable person who seems supportive of what we want to do in the birth.  He is apparently well-known for only intervening and doing a c-section if absolutely necessary – chatting to him about this made me feel like he would be the right person to help us along.  I still wish to some extent that the model of care offered in Australia was more flexible though – while I like him, I’d also like for us to be able to choose our own midwife to come along and be there before, during and after your birth.  That’s not an option with the way the hospitals and medical system works today.  Which I think is a travesty.   But, ce la vie.   I guess you take what you can get and make what you will with it.  Hopefully your Dad and I will cope regardless.  As the doctor emphasised, the birth is going to be the ‘easy’ bit in retrospect.  Yep, it will be hard, and stressful, and most likely hurt a lot, but it will be over pretty quickly.  Wheras you’ll be with us for a long time afterwards.  To worry about forever more.

kisses
mum.

 

Tired again… February 9, 2009

Hello little Speck,

I’m tired and grumpy again. I’ve been sleeping badly – what with the heat and you randomly kicking me in the middle of the night and generally squishing my bladder into what must surely be only slightly bigger than pea-shaped judging by the number or times I have to pee. I think I’m fighting off a slight cold too. And we are moving house this week and packing isn’t fun and its all a bit stressful. I hope you just chill out down there and its not affecting you too.

You, your dad and I enjoyed a swim in Leichhardt pool yesterday evening. It was hot yesterday and it was good to get in a pool with you and feel almost my normal weight again, and cool at the same time. I did some treading water for 20 minutes to get some exercise. Your dad and I were wondering whether you could tell that we were swimming and if it felt different to you? Can you feel the pressure of the water too? Your dad suggested maybe it just sounds a lot quieter to you when underwater as sounds are more muffled. You certainly seemed to sleep throughout it.

Hope you’re well.

love mum

 

bilious December 8, 2008

Filed under: exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 2:15 pm
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Hi Speck.

I feel sick again. It started yesterday and only really abated in the evening. And today it is back. A slight sinking feeling and a little nauseous. The fact that my pants are definitely a lot tighter than they were a few weeks ago is perhaps not assisting the feeling, but really, its all you. Maybe you needed more hormones today and yesterday for a growth spurt? Its warm outside, but I’m in meetings all day again today. Unfortunately all I feel like doing is lying down and sleeping. Its a bit like being having that sea swaying feeling you get when you’ve been on a boat for a few days and try to step off to the dock. I feel like I’m swaying as I walk around the office, and that my stomach and breast size in tandem must be giving people clues that I’ve got a bun in the oven. Or some other euphemism for pregnancy.

Hope you’re well. I’m not good. Please just get on with it & let this day be over.

love you, even though you are annoying sometimes (I suspect this may continue for some many years yet – the concept of loving someone dearly no matter what they do – but don’t push it).

mum

 

…and all i have managed to do is attempt to put the clothes away…. November 29, 2008

Filed under: exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 4:37 pm
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Hi Speck,

what are you doing down there? Why am I so tired??!! I know I’ve had a big week – uni everynight and not getting home ’till after 10, work and then assignment every night, but really.

Today we did our final group presentation at uni, and I have come home to try to attempt to at least bring some order to the disorder that is our house. Your dad has been holding the fort for at least two weeks all on his own – when I’m just arriving, eating, sleeping, showering, leaving.. arriving, eating, sleeping,…. you get the picture. Anyway, I am attempting to get clean clothes put away today and have even struggled with that. All folded. Some away. Rest awaiting next burst of energy. Have had a half hour nap, think I might need a bit more.

your dad is cleaning the bbq.

hope you’re well.
love you
mum

 

Exhuasted October 21, 2008

Filed under: exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 3:52 pm
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Hiya you,

Are you as tired as I am? I’m trying desperately to stay awake at work while people in the meeting I’m in seek for my input on scintilating topics like subscriber migrations and number management.

I have a meeting tonight after work with my uni assignment group, not sure that I’ll be any use at all!