Oh my god I’m having a baby!
It shouldn’t be a shock but it still is.
Dear Poogie (babe #1) <December 2009>,
I wrote this entry and started this blog – letters to you (my first babe) – the day I found out I was pregnant, October 16, 2008. . And I decided, with your Dad, to call you Speck. ‘Cause that is what you were – a little speck. My little speck.
The first evidence – the little pink lines seemed pretty unreal. I was living in Sydney, working as an IT consultant, playing frisbee, cycling to work and generally eating and drinking and socialising my life away with your dad. And though I was really excited to find out that you were coming, I didn’t want to tell anyone but your dad for a while in case things went wrong (I’m a born optimistic pessimist), so I figured that writing to you (my little speck, a little fertilised egg) and sending my anonymous thoughts out into the ether (read: the internet via a blog) would be a good option for me. And it was…
As the weeks progressed, I used this blog to get my feelings about you out. Writing to you was a way to channel or direct my feelings, relate my story and just get on with enjoying it all. And it really did help. I knew it would all change as the pregnancy wore on, and that feelings like this are fleeting and only happen a few times in a lifetime. So I wanted to capture it. I also remembered a book I had seen that another mum had written for her daughter, detailing life before she arrived. And this little girl loved the book and pored over it and the photos in it. And I had somewhere to write about what I was feeling when I was still keeping it secret from the world at large. Therapeutic.
So that’s how it started. A bit of an outlet. And a compendium of evidence that I was really having a baby ( the week 7 picture to prove it , the week 10 pictures to show how big you’re getting ) to convince myself that this slightly unreal feeling was in fact real. And that I needed to prepare for you. BIG lifestyle adjustment.
the first ultrasound image of you: week 7
10 weeks old and A-ok!
Ultrasound at 19 weeks. You sucking…
So, I wrote a bunch of entries while I was pregnant…. And went through lots of changes: week by week, trimester by trimester.
I grew a lot:
the growing bump – week 19
week 21 belly shot
pregnant belly at 22 weeks
you and me at week 28
the mound from my perspective 38 weeks
But then I also ate a lot:
And lots more in between. You can read all the highs and lows…
And then you arrived: 20 June 2009…. I started a birth story while in labour, but funnily enough didn’t manage to complete it at the time… Have written a bit more with the end of the story but haven’t published it yet. Cutting to the chase – you came out through my vagina without any drugs or intervention and you were amazing. And your dad and I were the proudest people in the world. Like most new parents.
you at three days old, snuggling with me
And now you’re getting bigger and older by the day and I’m still writing. While your actual name is “Oscar”, I refer to you as Poogie. It reminds me of your maternal great-grandfather. He used the word a lot. So you’re my little Poogie.
And that’s where we’re at. An Australian mum and a Canadian dad with a new baby boy in Brisbane, Australia. I’m still at home looking after you, and your dad has just started up a new business, working from home some of the time. So we’re just newbie parents and business owners, all adrift in the big wide world. Negotiating the days of new parenthood with both excited expectations and trepidation. Making mistakes and doing some things right. But enjoying watching you grow and learning all the time. From you. For you. For us. And this blog is my letter to you about it all.
Love and kisses
Dear Little Miss Boona (babe #2) <December 2011>,
Boona, our affectionate nickname for little Miss Luna.
What to say, what to say?? Life has marched on, and in the middle of the marching, I got a bit faint. Peed on a stick again, and there you were! Due the same date two years later than your big brother.
Busy running around after a 1 then 2 year old while you were busy growing, I didn’t feel quite as open about my pregnancy the second time round. I wasn’t sure why.
Then you joined us, 26th June 2011. Again, though the VJJ with no drugs or whatnot, a bit of a quick process with me eating dinner one minute having a few contractions and then an hour later telling the midwife where to go in no uncertain terms because, “No, I’m not ready to push. I’m not ready to have a f*ing baby right now. Not yet.” And you of course arriving minutes later.
And since you’ve arrived the quietness in the pregnancy has all made sense. You’re a calm and serene and happy little person. Watching, always watching: me or your big brother. Taking it in. But quietly.
When you were in your first 8 weeks I sometimes wanted to poke you to see if you would make a noise. Because you were so silent and content. An occasional squawk or noise (and a yell like a fire engine when your brother tested your boundaries a few times), but generally just using your eyes and smiling mouth to communicate what you want and need…. We’ll have to see what happens when you start to talk.
So here we all are. A family of four, adjusting, growing and learning. About each other, and other random things. Eating a lot. Living in Brisbane, Australia. Working, playing and cooking.