my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

It’s nearly mother’s day… But where is the Mother? May 8, 2010

It’s a question I ask myself quite a bit.

Who am I and where do I fit into this equation of our family and day-to-day life?

Being a mum for the past almost-year has been an all-subsuming, totally rewarding, utterly exhausting and overall transformative process. Positive. But inarguably challenging on many levels.

As an aside about being all-consuming and mind-bending:  I’m re-reading the title of this post and thinking that I’ve subconsciously started to style my language along the lines of a children’s book – we read so many each day, and my waking minutes are so focussed on looking after you.   (The book it’s based on has slipped out of my mind, but the language persists. It’ll come to me, just give it about 36 hours. Dead of the night. I’ll sit bolt upright in bed and remember.)

Coping?

Some days I think I’m coping really well, and all is gleeful (Wednesday).   (more…)

 

You made me cry… You got sick for the first time August 10, 2009

Filed under: pregnancy — rakster @ 1:32 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Hello Poogie,

Well. You seem to have an ear infection but are coping pretty well with it. I on the other hand have been in tears. Worried that you’re ok. We took you to the pharmacist yesterday as we were worried, but on her advice and our own assessment you didn’t seem too bothered and so today we’re here at the doctor’s surgery waiting to be seen.

I don’t think I was quite prepared for how strongly upsetting, worrying and essentially heart-wrenching I am finding it. I teeter between telling myself you’ll be totally A-OK fine (which I know you will) and worrying – not about any specific bad outcome as such, but just general worry. Mostly just upset worry that you will be in pain.

waiting at the doctors

love mum

 

Antenatal classes mark one April 3, 2009

Hello there speck,

Hope you’re sleeping well…. I certainly didn’t. My maternity pillow certainly helped, but all in all it was a horrible night. I tossed and turned (albeit not with the speed and ease I’m used to) all night, kept awake by a plethora of exciting things: back pain, the nightly possum migration from the neighbours to our house and visa versa via the window awning directly beside our bed, pubic symphysis pain, and a rowdy and recurring bat fight presumably in a fruit tree nearby. Yippee!

Your dad and I walked up to the first of six antenatal classes at the hospital last night. It was a manageable walk, we were both thinking that when the time comes it might be easier to walk to the hospital than drive. That said, I’m glad we have five more antenatal sessions to get to: your dad is directionally challenged at the best of times, and I can forsee him getting me to the oncology ward instead of the mother’s hospital unless he gets to practice how to get there at least a few more times…

The class itself was kinda funny.  It would be really hard to pitch a class like that to such a mixed audience – it was the “changes in your body” or something like that class, run by a phsyio.  Essentially we talked about some of the obvious changes that can happen to your body, and did some exercises to stretch our pelvises and relax and stuff like that.  All pretty straight-forward, and if you hadn’t worked it out by this point in the pregnancy you’d have to have had your head under a blanket pretending you weren’t pregnant.   There were about eight couples in the class, ranging from 25 to 31 weeks pregnant.    We practiced getting in and out of bed and picking a baby from the floor and putting it on a bed and picking it up again.  You were played by a big white hospital pillow.  Well acted.  While it was ok, I’m looking forward to the bit run by the midwives where we get to see the birthing suites and talk through more about baby stuff and less about pubis bones.  I think that will be more relevant to me.

Had another appointment at the obstetrician today.  I’ve hit a new milestone in the weight department.  Yippee again.  Still walking / cycling / yoga or something nearly everyday, but I guess I’m eating more than normal too.  Oh well.  Have a glucose test and a bunch more blood things scheduled for Monday, so hopefully that will prove that I’m all ok and just a bit fat (i.e. not diabetic or anything).   Not much to report from the obstetrician, all he did was ask if I was ok, at which point I burst into tears, and then he hustled me in to take blood pressure and hear your heartbeat.  My blood pressure is all good.  And your heartbeat was a bit irregular but we poked you and it went back to fast again.  Apparently its normal for your heartbeat to change speed a lot, often as I change position etc.  He also palpitated my uterus and your head is pointing down where it should be.  Which I knew already as your kicking my ribs on the bus on the way in indicated where you were quite clearly.

Otherwise. Starting to think more seriously about the fact that you’ll need a name.  Your dad and I have  a few options that we’ve come up with, and one or two we even like.  I guess though we need to ponder some more.  And see you.

Keep safe.

love mum

p.s. last night in between anxiety attacks and nightmares consisting of work and family-related melodramas, I dreamt that you were born, but that somehow there were four of you.  I was trying to leave the hospital and having difficulty working out how to get four babies home.  My dad (your grandad) and my mum (your grandma K) were both there.  I remember I just kept saying over and over to your grandad, “I don’t understand.  There was only ever one when they did the scans.  Where did the other ones come from?”.  He just shrugged and continued to try to help collect you all…