i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

feeling a little stressed and emotional May 5, 2009

Hello Little Speck,

Its very comforting to feel you moving around down there happily this morning.  I think your dad appreciated it too – he woke up and could feel you against his back.   And your hiccups were so strong he got to feel those too.  We were both happy to feel you being normal.   And I’m glad to say that your awake hours are actually currently in-line with mine – you wake up at about 6:30am, then play around for an hour or more; then you sleep, though sometimes you have a little play until about 9am or so.   You sometimes wake during the middle of the day, but definitely around 3pm is a big time for you to reawaken and do some fairly vigorous exercise.   Then around 6pm you seem to go a bit crazy – I suspect its when I haven’t had dinner yet and you’re trying to tell me your blood sugar has dropped too low.   Then its all downhill for me as I am generally exhausted and very ready for bed.   You often are still awake and there is some movement but you chill out when I go to bed and seem to sleep through the night.  You were waking me up before when this wasn’t happening.  So thanks.  My sleep has been better.

I think I overdid it on the weekend and yesterday – I had a bit of a meltdown last night and something like a panic attack after I went to bed.   I just couldn’t seem to get enough breath and was sobbing uncontrollably.  I couldn’t think straight and couldn’t work out what was wrong or why I was upset or what was going on or whether I could really breathe or not.  It wasn’t very fun and I freaked both myself and your dad out.  Eventually I got over it and managed to settle back down and go to sleep.  I am putting it down to Week 32 pregnancy hormones.   Our midwife in the antenatal classes was suggesting we all have a good cry in the shower.   And there are a bunch of women on the baby forum this week who all seem to be crying a lot.    So I’m guessing its a common thing and I’m just following the normal pregnant and crazy pattern.

Anyway, this is why we were both happy to feel you scrimmaging around like normal this morning.

Thinking of you.

love mum


Hashimoto and me.. November 13, 2008

Hiya Speck,

so its been another rollercoaster day, with a bit of crying, a bit of laughing, a bit of singing and now a bit of writing.

The crying:
I didn’t tell you the other day ’cause I didn’t think it was necessarily anything, but one of my blood tests came back with a funny result so I went in three days ago and had some more. And I found out today that based on those I have Hashimoto’s disease.  Woot.  What does it mean?  Well, from what I can gather my white blood cells are attacking my thyroid, and so that might be contributing to my general feelings of exhaustion and inability to concentrate. Though of course, that could just be you also.  You can have a read of what the mayo clinic say if you want:  Hashimoto’s Disease. Bloody Hashimoto. Anyway, felt fine at the doctors when he was telling me but then lost it when I was trying to pay and when I rang your dad to let him know. Makes me feel old. I find it hard to believe that I’m only 32 yet I’m going to have a disease which I have to take medicine for all the rest of my life! And – I’ve already told you how much I hate blood tests – I have to have them relatively frequently to monitor it. Erk!! Anyway, it sounds like for you it might be bad news too – but hopefully we’ve found it in time & it won’t affect your development. I’ve had a search but can’t find much information about it – if I was taking a drug the whole time I was pregnant apparently its ok and little effect on you, but not sure what it means that I’m 8 weeks pregnant and only just starting. I know you don’t get your own thyroid gland until later, so hopefully you just don’t need anything at the moment…

..was going to write more but the tiredness is inescapable. going for a nap. love you.