my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

excited. you are now officially full term and can come on down anytime. Week 37 hoorah. June 4, 2009

Hello little one,

how are you tonight?  I’m exhausted.  I gave up on working for a bit today and took some time out to go grocery shopping with your dad.  We now have hospital snacks for the birth bag.  And some food for this weekend!

YAY – we are going to the beach again.  S arrives tonight from Sydney – you and I are going to the airport to get her – and then after our visit to the obstetrician tomorrow we will head off down the coast.   The others will come a bit later in the day after work.   AHHH.  4 days of nothing.  and friends in a house on the beach.  and food.   I’m going to cook Galaktoboureko.   Yummo.

And we are going to swim.  It might be a bit cold.  But whatever.   I’m hotter than normal still..

So.  You’re obviously moving downwards as those sharp twinges that the pregnancy books warned me about are happening in much more earnest than before.  I believe its your head banging against my cervix.  A bit like shooting pains up from my groin.   But I’m thinking its a good pain as it means you’re moving closer to engaging.  So its all good.  Keep it up.  And you’re still totally crazily active at the moment.  Its like vesuvius down there in the lump that is my stomach.   So you’re doing something.  I have heard that generally babies go quiet for a day or two before coming out, so I reassured S today on the phone that you weren’t going to arrive early while we were at the coast.  She was a bit worried you might just pop on out.  And that everyone at the house would then want to accompany me to the hospital.  I said that they’d all just stay in Byron & then come and visit after you arrived, and that she would be lucky as she’d be one of the first to meet you.   Which got her excited.  But then she exclaimed, “But we couldn’t have the Bombe Alaska.  I mean, we could bring it to the hospital but I don’t think they’d let us light it!”

Mmm..Bombe Alaska.  See, you can look forward to a life with us of eating well.   I am looking forward to S’s Bombe Alaska and the beach…

yum yum

love mum

 

Antenatal classes Mark 2#. And these iron tablets do really make me farty. April 10, 2009

Hi Speck,

Its Easter friday!  Yay for holidays.  I’m baking almond and chocolate friands to take to your Grandma K’s for an easter get together.  Your dad is doing his usual interfering and telling me my oven is too hot (despite the fact I’ve never seen him cook any cake except cheesecake in his life).  He’s just a know-all.

almond chocolate friands

almond chocolate friands

So.  Last night was antenatal classes Mark 2.  This time with a midwife instead of with a physio.  Actually learnt a lot.  Which was good – the time went quickly rather than slowly.  The class was about introducing us to the three stages of labour, and talking about when we should think about phoning the birthing ward to come to hospital.  We had a tour of a birthing suite and watched a few videos of babies being born.  Lots of things to think about. I cried watching the videos.  I’m still really emotional and I got a bit scared and excited and happy all at the same time.  Luckily I was at the back of the room so it was only your dad, the couple beside me and the midwife who noticed tears streaming down my cheeks.  Its strange to not have any real idea what is going to happen to you and how you will cope, and not have much control over it all.  It could all go smoothly and then we get to choose some things, or it could all go a bit not as expected in which case we relinquish control to a bunch of health-care professionals.  I could just lose it and go crazy in the middle of it all.  Who knows.  Maybe I’ll get to transition stage and just be adamant that I’m going to pack up and go home and pretend there is no baby business happening at all.

Anyway, I’m glad I took a notebook, as everyone had lots of questions and the class was good in that it was relatively unstructured and the midwife was thorough in her answers.  I wrote down a bunch of things I wanted to find out more about; things to ask and talk to our obstetrician about (gee, who knew that some of them still want you to get up onto the bed and be prone when you’re actually pushing the baby out in the second stage – I thought things had moved on – maybe not – gee I hope ours lets us do it however feels best for me); things for your dad and I to decide (do you need a vitamin K injection and Hep B as soon as you’re born?); and just general stuff that I thought I’d forget.   We walked to the hospital again but it was raining on the way home so we taxied.  May have to rethink the walking to the hospital idea just ’cause your dad will be in charge of bringing all the stuff along.  But maybe we can still do it just with our birthing bag, and someone can bring the rest later?  Mmm..   Anyway, I think the most important things to remember from the class was the phone number of the birth suite and basically if you get any body fluids happening then phone them.  Got it.  Phone them.  Your dad put the number in his phone.  Hopefully he can find his phone when the time comes.  I might just write the number on the whiteboard too.

When we got home we had a chat about some of the things they talked about at the hospital.  I think both of us think that since we’re so close (literally 10 minutes walk) that we don’t have to worry about traffic or anything, so we should be ok to stay at home if everything is going well for quite a while.   Yes, the hospital is brand new and the rooms are big and spacious, and pretty nice, but its still a hospital with linoleum floors and unnatural lighting and lots of equipment and not much to look at.   I think if we are in first stage of labour for a long time it would be much nicer to be at home if we’re comfortable with that.  We can have whoever we like there, we have our own creature comforts, and there is more to do and look at.   But, who knows.  We may panic in the throws of pain and think its all happening much faster than it is, or be uncomfortable at home, and then just trip on in really early.

Yep, so of course I dreamed about you arriving again last night.  This time it was more focussed on your birth.  I was on all fours on the ground a lot, near a hand-wash basin for some reason, during a lot of the labour.  It was kinda painful but rhythmic.  I remember thinking oh, there it goes again and feeling it just going of its own accord.  Then I was squatting on the side of a chair and you came out, all slimey and red and with a lot of white vernix all over you.  You had blackish hair plastered to your head, but not too much, just some.    Your head was squished and a bit oblong.  And this time you were a boy and I definitely sighted your genitalia.   For some reason when you were born I actually forgot to see if you were a boy or a girl and I remember asking people a few minutes later and they were all surprised I hadn’t worked out or checked that you were a boy already.  I remember just being glad that you were out and you were healthy.

This dream went on and on and on.  I woke up and one point and I’m pretty sure I told your dad about it then went back to sleep and continued on with the same dream.  Until you woke me at 6:30 with some strong stomach pounding.

Going to get non-burnt friands from oven and go for morning tea.

Love you

mum

P.s. Oh yeah, side effect of these iron tablets seem to be even worse gas than I had previously.  I read a bit on the web and there are a bunch of women on forums who say this has happened to them too.  And some of them say the smell is really bad.  I haven’t noticed that yet thankfully, but it means I have to be very careful.  I was like a ticking time bomb during the antenatal classes.  I didn’t make it out of the room a few times and let loose big loud ones.  The tour of the hospital and where to park was a good diversion as we were outside and I could lag behind the group.  But sitting still and watching videos as I felt like I might float out of my chair was trying.  Your dad was peeing himself with laughter and kept telling me to go to the toilet (again, helpful if you know you need to fart but they come on very quickly and are very large and frequent.  So I would be like a yo-you back and forth.  My policy is hold them in and then do it all at once in the toilet).

 

yay! No gestational diabetes for me. Tonight after exercise class I’m going to celebrate with cashew toffee ice cream. April 8, 2009

Hello Speck!

Lunch time.  You’ve just made your presence felt once again – you seem to get annoyed by the consumption of food – like it impinges on your space so you have to make your displeasure known by giving a few big solid movements around the stomach and lung/rib area.  I played a game with you and grabbed your little bottom and foot again.  You moved around, so I did it again.  It makes me pee myself with laughter.  It feels really strange when you’re doing ‘tent pose’ and you move around, and your dad can see it from the outside, and I can see and feel it.  You generally like it when I laugh too, and go back to sleep for a bit, so it works out for all of us.

Good news – I don’t have gestational diabetes.  My base level was 4.2 and my 2hour level was 6.2, which is ‘excellent’ according to the endocrinologist.  I’ve read some more about it, and the accepted cut-off levels in Australia recommended by Ranzcog are fasting >5.5 & 2hr >8.0. So I’m well within. Yay.  No carb-cutting diet restrictive practices required.  My iron levels however, are low.  So I’m going to start iron supplements today.  I’ve been tested earlier in the pregnancy for Iron, so I know I’ve been fine most of the time, but I have read that around 28 weeks the level of your growth kicks in again and thus lower iron is common (and apparently this growth-spurt in you can also have links to grumpiness in me – which tallies).  Anyway, I was hoping to avoid iron tablets ’cause they have some nasty side-effects, but I guess it has to be done.

P.S.  I think we will be making cashew toffee ice cream tonight to celebrate after pregnancy physio exercise classes are done.

Love you

mum

 

cooking again. Carrot cake today. April 6, 2009

Hello Speck!

I’ve braved the disorder of our house to cook again this afternoon.  Carrot cake.  Its in the oven now. So the house is hot.  I think its about 28 degrees, which isn’t too bad, but its been raining for the past four days, and just started again, so its that lovely Brisbane humid heat.  The skin pressed between my boobs and you in my stomach is exceedingly hot.  Such is life.

carrot cake before we ate it

carrot cake before we ate it

carrot cake after we ate it...

carrot cake after we ate it…

Your dad and I went for a big walk this morning.  It was a nice break and ’cause I stopped lots to stretch out my back, wasn’t too hard on it.  I slept badly again last night.  Right on time as soon as I enter the third trimester my sleep has deteriorated again and the good hormones seem to be taking a break.  Damn damn damn.  But typical.   Yoga on Friday night helped with the back, but the pain just comes back, no matter how much I stretch.  We walked around a lot yesterday too – markets, Mick’s Nuts and general back and forth.   And exercise does help, but I think from now on in its just discomfort from what the books and people tell me.  Not that it seems to bother you at all 🙂

you and me at week 28

you and me at week 28

We also had a Speck-watching event on the back deck yesterday with your Grandad and Uncle Jake & your Dad, Aunt 3 & T.  You move around so heartily that its pretty easy to work out where you are and what you are doing.  Lots of pushing up with your feet near my stomach while everyone was watching.   You were doing the ‘tent pose’ for a while, so we grabbed your foot on either side with our fingers on the ouside of my belly.  Your foot is pretty big.

As you can possibly tell from my almost incoherent ramblings, my brain is reverting to mush again. Oh well. Best to just eat cake.

love you
mum

 

its your dad’s birthday and we ate a lot of icecream cake… despite the fact the endocrinologist says I’ve gone too hard on the weight gain front. March 29, 2009

Hello Speck!

Its your dad’s birthday today, so it was a big day with lots of friends and family and a HUGE icecream cake.  Neopolitan flavour – all hand-made by me, you and Lukey, who came over to help with it yesterday (well, really I think he thought that making icecream would involve lots of opportunity for little kids to lick the bowl and he’s be on a winner).  So, it was chocolate, vanilla and strawberry.  Rich chocolate, vanilla bean and fresh strawberry.  I think the whole thing was about eight litres of icecream – so a big one.  I started with vanilla making on Friday night, and made the vanilla custard.  Then yesterday Luke and I made the chocolate custard and I started up the new ice cream maker.  Chocolate first.  Made a big layer with lots of belgian cocoa and lindt chocolate.  Very rich.  The only container I decided would hold enough for the hordes of people coming was the largest salad spinner we have.  The zyliss put to a new use.  After chocolate it was time to freeze the vanilla.  Did that.  Then I made lemon sorbet for the non-dairy people.

Then a break for the AFL football.  Your dad wanted to see a game for his birthday, so we walked down to the Gabba and watched the lions beat the eagles in a game that was quite good to watch, with your two uncles, grandad & R.  then walked home.  Got home and decided that even though it was late the cake really needed to set overnight, so despite my earlier plan to do the final layer in the morning, got to it with a kilo of fresh strawberries.   Ice cream maker on overdrive until one am, when I put the final layer on the cake, and popped it all back in the freezer to set overnight.    So, icecream cake + lemon sorbet ready to go and frozen.  A bit less sleep than normal.

Today I just ate one bit though.  It was a hit with everyone – lots of sounds of spoon sucking.  Some people liked the strawberry, and some the chocolate.  The vanilla was a bit lost in the middle, but I think the cake wouldn’t have been the same without it.   I know you wanted more, but I just ate the one bit.  Along with the rocket and cheese muffins I made (from the rocket your dad grew), we had enough…  Despite the fact that I know I get ice cream cravings because of you (my usual preference is sorbet).   It was rich, but its also because of the endocrinologist who did her best to make me feel like I should give up icecream…  Bad timing as the new icecream maker just arrived (it is my new baby before you arrive).

ice cream cake - the leftovers

ice cream cake – the leftovers

We went to the endocrinologist on Friday, and she says I’ve put on far too much weight.  I’ve gone up 14 kg already.   Apparently that is too much.   But I feel fine, and I still exercise a lot.  So it can’t be all bad.  Anyway, she saw me briefly, asked some questions, wrote a list of more blood tests and other things I have to go and get jabbed for in the coming weeks (fun fun fun) and then charged me a lot of money for the privilege.   Finished by telling me icecream should be cut out of the diet as it will be more comfortable for me if I don’t put on any more weight.

I’ve been thinking about it.  I still don’t get it.  How do they decide how much you should put on?  I think you’re an average size baby, and I’m an average healthy sized woman, so I guess I would fall into the ‘you’d expect to put on x kg’ bracket.  But without asking further questions and testing, how does a doctor know you’ve put on too much weight? For example, apparently most people put on lots of weight at the end of their pregnancies, and not so much at the beginning.  And maybe I will put on a lot from now too.  But I put on a lot at the beginning.  And I was still exercising a lot.  My boobs are large normally, and they have grown exponentially and are a lot heavier than before.  That has happened about three times now.  Most people apparently only need to buy a new set of bras once.  I’m on my third set.  Each time, I bought big ones, but the boobs are just getting bigger and bigger.   I’ve discussed this seriously with your dad, and we both agree that my boobs have got to have at least 5kg extra weight between them alone.  I actually think I put on nearly 10kg mostly in the first trimester, and in the second I’ve just put on a bit of weight more slowly.   So what is to say that is wrong for me? Its not like I eat badly.

Overall the last few days have been a bit up and down.  I hope you haven’t been too disrupted by my abrupt mood swings and general discombobulation.  Yesterday I spent the day alternately making ice cream and then feeling upset.  It is going to continue for a while, so you may have to get used to it.  I think you are enjoying having your dad around – you move a lot when its just he and I having a quiet chat, like you know his voice and find it something you should react to.

Love you,  we might get a bit more ice cream in before sleep time, if you’re good.

mum

 

week 25! 102 days to go. I’m starting to think about things like whether to dispose, nappy system or just good old simple nappies? But mostly I’m still thinking about food. Figs this weekend. March 15, 2009

Heya Speck,

102 days till you’re slated to join us.  Apparently you’re just like a little baby inside my uterus – now you’re just getting bigger and bigger.  I’ve already put on 12-13 kg, so I expect I’m going to go above the averages as everything I’ve read tells me that you just grow a lot from now on.  I can still see my feet.  And I can still see my fanny.  Two things which will apparently disappear soon.   Well, disappear from my normal line of sight.  More ce la vie.  If I get bigger I get bigger. I’m hungry most of the time.  So I eat.  Not bad food, just a lot of it.  I figure you need it.

On the eating front – this weekend its fresh figs.

fresh figs

fresh figs

They are in season, so I bought a box.  Made fig ice cream yesterday, which tastes good but is all the wrong texture.  My ice cream maker (well, actually your grandmother K’s – I stole, I mean borrowed it years ago) has finally given up the ghost.  I’ve been contemplating buying a new one and keep wavering.  But after the fig ice cream taste being so good but texture so bad, I am convinced we need one.  For your sake too – homemade ice cream is sooo much better for you than bought stuff.  Not to mention the taste.  So I’m going to finally invest and buy one with an in-built compressor.  It is just too hot here in Australia to make any more than one batch in the variety that you bowl in the freezer.  And when I make ice cream or sorbet I generally want to make a bit at once.  If I have to do all those dishes, I may as well make it worth the effort.  Yay.   I am looking forward to a new one.  Maybe I can make your dad an ice cream cake for his birthday with at least three different flavours. That sounds like a plan.  You like ice cream too.  I can tell.  That’s why I want to eat it all the time.  More than normal even.  And fresh is better.  So ice cream maker purchase here I come.

fig ice cream

fig ice cream

What else? Well, I have been reading about nappies.  Its all too confusing.  I think I’d like to not use disposables all the time, so I started to look at the difference between plain old old-fashioned nappies, and the new washable nappy systems.   I am now just thoroughly confused.  Think I might buy some of both and see how it goes.  Or how you go. Who knows?  And how do you try to decide between the different brands without trying them?

Hope you’ve enjoyed the figs.  Tonight for dinner is fig, blue cheese, almond and rocket salad.  That is my plan anyhow.

love you

mum

 

Yoga mark two January 29, 2009

Good Morning Speck,

How are you? Very quiet down there again, perhaps you’re busy digesting the large amount of food I have consumed in the past 24 hours. Some days I seem to just need to eat a regular amount yet other days I just feel like I’m starving and need to eat everything in sight. Yesterday was one of those days.

Your dad and you will be pleased to know that despite my tendency to eat relatively crap food and make little effort when it’s just me, I went and did a big healthy shop when I got home from work on Monday night, so we’ve been snacking on guacamole, peaches, nectarines and almonds mostly. One of my friends from work made me a huge batch of Indian rice custard after hearing about my recent addiction, so as that has no sugar but just reduced milk that is pretty good too. And I made palak paneer last night so we both got our spinach quota for the week.

What else? Well, I seem to be moody again. I helpfully told someone at work today who pissed me off only ever so slightly that ‘I don’t give a s* anyway, I’m having a baby and will be leaving and won’t be here when it happens anyway’.. Mmm, not really what I was thinking, just an over zealous outburst.   Your fault again.

Also went along to yoga last night.  Coke-meister bailed on me but I went anyway.  It was a normal level 1-2 yoga class at the great studio I went to with you dad for a while over a year ago.  We both enjoyed our courses there a lot, and the teachers are really good.   It was interesting – I got to do a few different exercises while everyone else did headstand and shoulderstand and a few other abdominally-taxing exercises, and I have to step in rather than jump, but it was good.  I think I’ll keep going to pregnant yoga when I can also, but this is a good option for me for the next period as we move back and forth between Sydney and Brisbane.  My ankle is much better and I have got a brace for it which helps with remembering to keep it in mind.

I didn’t feel you kicking around much last night but I think you were definitely on the left side still – you put me off-balance slightly.

Hope you’re well.

love you

mum

 

… and I continue to eat. This time to console myself. And you. January 18, 2009

Heya Speck,

Feeling a bit shit today.  Ooops, bad mum.  Your dad keeps harping on at me about how I’m not going to be able to swear with a baby / child.  I guess I should make an effort.  Anyway.  I feel a bit crappy today.  The whole, “I sprained my ankle” thing has turned into “I may need surgery on my ankle to be able to use it properly again” after a visit to the physio.  Damn damn damn. And I am annoyed that the first physio I went to the other day immediately after straining the ankle was so crap.   She had no idea, and just taped it up.   I knew she was crap, that’s why I booked back in for my normal physio on Saturday.  I figured at the time that really too much treatment close to a sprain is not really helpful anyway, so I’d just rest and then get better treatment on Saturday.  But unfortunately yesterday he basically said there wasn’t much he could do and I need to go and see an orthopaedic surgeon for an opinion.  And no walking, cycling, yoga, swimming blah blah blah in the meantime.  Yeah, I know I should keep positive until I get that opinion.  Which is what I did yesterday.  I just can’t do it today.

Coupled with the fact that all the pairs of shorts I tried on this morning didn’t fit, and it wasn’t so much the belly only being the problem as the ass and legs as well, I got a bit, “I’m going to turn into a big fat pregnant blimp and I can’t even go for a walk!  I feel horrible!”.  Kinda whiney.  It didn’t help that I spent the whole morning lying down re-reading a book (a good one – The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri): reading for too long puts me in a bit of a funk too.  And then when I’m done reading not being able to really walk around all that much to enjoy the gorgeous day just pees me off even more.  I’m putting it down to you as well.  Have been feeling really good but I guess with exaggerated highs come exaggerated lows.  And for the first time I’ve let worry really panic me a bit.  I haven’t felt you moving for a day or two and I’m worried about you.  Its silly, because no matter what there is nothing that can be done, but it would be nice if you could just give me a few good strong kicks.  Try the kidneys.  Yes, slightly masochistic too.   Today is a bit low.

So again, it is with food that I console myself or attempt to focus on positives and fun things.  A friend was asking me the other day if I have been craving anything, or if I have really noticed wanting milk ’cause apparently babies growing in bellies need a lot of calcium.  Apparently, you will suck it out of my bones if you don’t get enough in my diet (You really are a fully-blown parasite, huh?   Trying to kill me with osteoporosis before you’re even born).   Funnily, I didn’t think I had been craving dairy – I do eat yoghurt for breakfast with fruit most days, and lotsa cheese.  But then when talking to her I realised that I have been having a few hot chocolates at work throughout the week, and have even had a few milkshakes too, just ’cause I felt like it.  I usually really don’t like milk.   Once a year I might get a craving for a milkshake.  Usually strawberry.  Your dad groans and tells me that I don’t need one.  I insist for the next hour.  He gives in.   We sit down and I get through about half.   Then I give it to your dad to finish as I feel so full I couldn’t possibly drink another sip, even though it tastes good and refreshing.   Then I start to feel ill.   I keep the ill feeling to myself for about half-an-hour until it gets kinda bad, then I usually let out a big, “I feel sick, I need to lie down” groan.  Your dad says, “I told you so, you shouldn’t have had that milkshake”.  I think, “But I enjoyed drinking it”, but keep that to myself to elicit maximum sympathy.  There is none forthcoming from your dad.  He’s not good on sympathy when you’ve ignored his advice (heed the warning).

Anyway, I have noticed dairy related desires.  I won’t put them down as cravings, more as desires.  So yesterday for some reason I really felt like eating that greek-style rice custard that you can buy at the markets in West End and a few other random places.   So after dragging myself around the house feeling sorry for myself, I’ve managed to cheer myself a little but cooking it.  Pretty good first effort too (if I do say so myself).  I’d tweak it next time to make it milkier and less rich, but it tastes good.  Ryzogalo is apparently the name.  Have eaten a large bowlful and now feeling slightly less morose.

ryzogalo - yum.

your dad eating ryzogalo

your dad eating ryzogalo

Hope you’re well.  Kick me would you. please.

mum

 

eating frenzy January 13, 2009

Dear Speck,

Yesterday was a day of eating. I arrived at work and ate my large bowl of yoghurt and fresh mango. Soon after, deciding I was still hungry, I moved onto grapes. The large bunch I’d bought into work (intending that it lasted until Thursday) lasted until just before lunch. I took lunch early, cause I was feeling a little peckish. Lunch was a large bowl of chilli beans, which your dad had cooked the day before. It was pretty filling, but only made it until about 2pm when I needed more. 2 nectarines downed for afternoon tea / snack.

Went home and despite the fact it was 4:45 decided a snack of jam-drops (yes, I got around to cooking them on Sunday) was definitely in order. Ate those. I started with one but then decided as I went that 5 large jam-drops was a much closer estimate of the volume required to fill the obviously gaping hole in my stomach. Then your dad had a pack of corn chips so I had a few (it was just a few)… Then I figured baclava was needed too. So I ate that. Just one piece (they are little pieces, only 2cm square!)…

Buying the baclava. I only bought a half a kilo, which, as you can see from the size of the tray on offer, was very restrained of me. And I have been sharing it. Mostly.

While eating these delightful treats I was busy thinking about dinner and dessert ’cause I knew these would only fill me up for a while. This really is a distinct change from pretty much the whole first trimester when I avoided the kitchen and couldn’t really be bothered to think about food at all. So while eating at home I started cooking. First up was french vanilla ice cream with a fresh vanilla bean and lots of cream. Made the custard, put it in the fridge, then started on the sauce. I wanted to make fresh blueberry ripple ice cream, so using the kilo of fresh blueberries I got on the weekend, I added a little sugar and cooked a blueberry jam. Mashed up the blueberries a little and cooked on high heat. It tasted good. Froze the ice cream and then combined in beautiful purple swirls and stuck in the freezer for after dinner.

Assembling Dinner: leeks underneath, cheese on top, pastry nice and crispy

Dinner itself I decided that I wanted fresh leek, fetta and tomato flan. So made a cheese, wheatgerm flaky pastry, then did the leeks and the onions and baked it all into a big flan. Your dad didn’t seem happy that dinner was so late: 8:15 pm; but for me, it was the perfect timing between my last snack and an early bed (eating all day is just exhausting). Dessert of the blueberry swirl ice cream followed.

Yum, yum. I was famished all day, but managed to satisfy the hunger pains and keep myself occupied. Suffice to say I was replete at the end. And I didn’t do any bike riding ’cause I just didn’t have the time.

Enjoy!

love mum