my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

feeling a little stressed and emotional May 5, 2009

Filed under: emotion,exhaustion,family,pregnancy — rakster @ 9:41 am
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Hello Little Speck,

Its very comforting to feel you moving around down there happily this morning.  I think your dad appreciated it too – he woke up and could feel you against his back.   And your hiccups were so strong he got to feel those too.  We were both happy to feel you being normal.   And I’m glad to say that your awake hours are actually currently in-line with mine – you wake up at about 6:30am, then play around for an hour or more; then you sleep, though sometimes you have a little play until about 9am or so.   You sometimes wake during the middle of the day, but definitely around 3pm is a big time for you to reawaken and do some fairly vigorous exercise.   Then around 6pm you seem to go a bit crazy – I suspect its when I haven’t had dinner yet and you’re trying to tell me your blood sugar has dropped too low.   Then its all downhill for me as I am generally exhausted and very ready for bed.   You often are still awake and there is some movement but you chill out when I go to bed and seem to sleep through the night.  You were waking me up before when this wasn’t happening.  So thanks.  My sleep has been better.

I think I overdid it on the weekend and yesterday – I had a bit of a meltdown last night and something like a panic attack after I went to bed.   I just couldn’t seem to get enough breath and was sobbing uncontrollably.  I couldn’t think straight and couldn’t work out what was wrong or why I was upset or what was going on or whether I could really breathe or not.  It wasn’t very fun and I freaked both myself and your dad out.  Eventually I got over it and managed to settle back down and go to sleep.  I am putting it down to Week 32 pregnancy hormones.   Our midwife in the antenatal classes was suggesting we all have a good cry in the shower.   And there are a bunch of women on the baby forum this week who all seem to be crying a lot.    So I’m guessing its a common thing and I’m just following the normal pregnant and crazy pattern.

Anyway, this is why we were both happy to feel you scrimmaging around like normal this morning.

Thinking of you.

love mum

 

windscreen washing the inside of my uterus March 11, 2009

Filed under: baby's feelings,birthing,development stages,exhaustion,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 9:11 am
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Hello Little Round Ball (’cause there is no way you are a speck anymore, its a round ball down in there…  you’re still my Speck, but your house is shaped more like a ball),

how are you?  I’m tired again.  Exhausted in fact.  Yes, I know I’m commuting Sydney-Brisbane, and that is a bit tiring, but I’m disproportionally tired.  It started last week.  The weekend was good but I could barely keep my eyes open at night.  We went to G&Ks for a barbeque on Friday night and it was only 8:15pm when I had to leave and go home – I was going to fall asleep at the table.

You on the other hand have been moving around like you’re in an aerobics championship.   You’ve got some new moves too – they started on Saturday.  Lying in bed on Saturday morning I noticed something different.   You now do big sweeping movements with feet and or hands – right across my belly.  If you can think of someone washing the inside of a car windscreen with big round movements, that’s what it feels like you’re doing.  Lots of that and less of the one-off kicking.  It feels pretty freaky to be honest.  It just lasts so long.  I think the short sharp kicks were easier to deal with.  And you’re definitely growing at a rapid rate, as now when I feel you moving around – I feel as though I can tell where your head, legs and arms are pretty often.  And every time you’re wiggling about and doing tumble turns.  Which is frequently.

I couldn’t sleep last night.  After a while, you woke up too and started to do the calesthenics.  You kick really hard now – if I’m looking at my stomach I think I can almost see where your foot pokes the stomach out.  Anyway, I figured that I may as well practice ‘training you in acrobatics’ for fun, like the girl I work with is going to do with her baby.  I thought it was a bit of a joke, but pushed just where you had kicked, and then you thumped back even harder than the first time.  I moved my fingers a few cm along my stomach from where the original kick was and pushed again, and, surprise, you moved and kicked back in the new position.  Funny.  I did it a few times after which you settled down again.   I then gave you a massage, which you seemed to like.  I’m starting to feel now that you’re really a little person in there.  Before you were just a ‘baby’.  Some kind of growing blob.  Now you are starting to feel more and more real.   I had a chat to you last night while massaging and I was wondering what you were thinking.  ‘Cause I think you’re thinking now.  I wish you’re Dad could feel these changes in you too – I think its definitely part of the ‘mum’ gets used to baby coming along part of being pregnant for nine months.  Last night you felt like a boy to me.  A month ago while walking home one night I had a premonition that you were a girl.   So, I obviously don’t know.

We went and met your obstetrician in Brisbane last Friday.  He is very relaxed.  He told me to eat anything, just avoid bungee jumping and advised not to take up heroin at this point.   I think I can manage that.  Your dad and I were surprised when we looked at the chart to see how big you are now.  No wonder I can feel you – you’re much bigger than a coke can (which is where I thought you were at).  I guess you won’t know him, but be reassured he is a very amicable person who seems supportive of what we want to do in the birth.  He is apparently well-known for only intervening and doing a c-section if absolutely necessary – chatting to him about this made me feel like he would be the right person to help us along.  I still wish to some extent that the model of care offered in Australia was more flexible though – while I like him, I’d also like for us to be able to choose our own midwife to come along and be there before, during and after your birth.  That’s not an option with the way the hospitals and medical system works today.  Which I think is a travesty.   But, ce la vie.   I guess you take what you can get and make what you will with it.  Hopefully your Dad and I will cope regardless.  As the doctor emphasised, the birth is going to be the ‘easy’ bit in retrospect.  Yep, it will be hard, and stressful, and most likely hurt a lot, but it will be over pretty quickly.  Wheras you’ll be with us for a long time afterwards.  To worry about forever more.

kisses
mum.

 

Tired again… February 9, 2009

Filed under: baby's feelings,exercise,exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 11:58 am
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Hello little Speck,

I’m tired and grumpy again. I’ve been sleeping badly – what with the heat and you randomly kicking me in the middle of the night and generally squishing my bladder into what must surely be only slightly bigger than pea-shaped judging by the number or times I have to pee. I think I’m fighting off a slight cold too. And we are moving house this week and packing isn’t fun and its all a bit stressful. I hope you just chill out down there and its not affecting you too.

You, your dad and I enjoyed a swim in Leichhardt pool yesterday evening. It was hot yesterday and it was good to get in a pool with you and feel almost my normal weight again, and cool at the same time. I did some treading water for 20 minutes to get some exercise. Your dad and I were wondering whether you could tell that we were swimming and if it felt different to you? Can you feel the pressure of the water too? Your dad suggested maybe it just sounds a lot quieter to you when underwater as sounds are more muffled. You certainly seemed to sleep throughout it.

Hope you’re well.

love mum

 

hot hot hot… working at home in knickers isn’t generally the kinda thing you want to let slip on a conference call. oh well, blame it on baby brain and the heat. January 23, 2009

Filed under: development stages,exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 4:21 pm
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Hiya Speck!

Hope you’re ok down there.  Pretty sure you had a bit of a wriggle around last night.  But the layer of fat between my hands and you makes it hard to tell exactly (its getting bigger with the lack of exercise due to ankle)… Ah well.

Its very hot today.  I trust you’re laying low and keeping cool.  I am drinking as much water as I can but the consequence is even more frequent peeing.  Think yo-yo between the computer (work) and the bathroom (loo).  I usually try to cut out water a bit before bed time but its just too hot for that too.    I have thus been up and down all night too, which makes me a bit more grumpy during the day than normal, and quite a bit more tired.  I had plans for dinner and a movie last night but just had to lie down after another VERY busy day at the office.   So I cancelled and lay down.  I think you appreciated it, as that is when I think you were having a wiggle.

Mm… It says its 31 degrees on my weather checker, but I suspect if I had a thermometer in the house here it would be more like 36.  And for once, in Sydney, its pretty damn humid.  I am off to Brisbane tonight to help your dad paint (I’m sure I can get some painting done, but really looking forward to a weekend), and I expect its only going to get worse up there.   Rain is predicted for all three days but still around 30 degrees, so stinking hot and humid.  Lovely.  I guess I need to get accustomed to it again, so jumping into the fire is one way to do it.   I have read that apparently its normal for me to feel hotter than normal because of you.  I may have increased blood flow to my skin, but I think mainly my metabolic rate is higher so I get hotter.  And of course I’m bigger.   So it feels a lot hotter to me than everyone else.

Have thus been working from home today wearing a pair of knickers and a bra-top.  Which was fine until I was on a conference call and a delivery person came to the door.  Was too hot and bothered to think of anything better to say, so I just told the whole call (thankfully only two other people whom I’ve worked with at another company for quite a while now) that I just needed to be excused as I was in my knickers and there was someone at the door, and I needed to put the phone down to put on a gown.  Mmmn….  I got told, rightly so, that I had given too much information.    Oh well, these things happen.  Blame: squarely on you for two reasons.  Firstly ’cause I’m flustered and hot because of you; and secondly just general baby brain.

Love you.  Drink lots of amniotic fluid and avoid your own wee where possible.  Your lanugo might help to keep you cool?? (its week 18 and apparently you’re covered in it now)…

love mum

love mum

 

…and all i have managed to do is attempt to put the clothes away…. November 29, 2008

Filed under: exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 4:37 pm
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Hi Speck,

what are you doing down there? Why am I so tired??!! I know I’ve had a big week – uni everynight and not getting home ’till after 10, work and then assignment every night, but really.

Today we did our final group presentation at uni, and I have come home to try to attempt to at least bring some order to the disorder that is our house. Your dad has been holding the fort for at least two weeks all on his own – when I’m just arriving, eating, sleeping, showering, leaving.. arriving, eating, sleeping,…. you get the picture. Anyway, I am attempting to get clean clothes put away today and have even struggled with that. All folded. Some away. Rest awaiting next burst of energy. Have had a half hour nap, think I might need a bit more.

your dad is cleaning the bbq.

hope you’re well.
love you
mum

 

Hashimoto and me.. November 13, 2008

Filed under: emotion,exhaustion,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 6:55 pm
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Hiya Speck,

so its been another rollercoaster day, with a bit of crying, a bit of laughing, a bit of singing and now a bit of writing.

The crying:
I didn’t tell you the other day ’cause I didn’t think it was necessarily anything, but one of my blood tests came back with a funny result so I went in three days ago and had some more. And I found out today that based on those I have Hashimoto’s disease.  Woot.  What does it mean?  Well, from what I can gather my white blood cells are attacking my thyroid, and so that might be contributing to my general feelings of exhaustion and inability to concentrate. Though of course, that could just be you also.  You can have a read of what the mayo clinic say if you want:  Hashimoto’s Disease. Bloody Hashimoto. Anyway, felt fine at the doctors when he was telling me but then lost it when I was trying to pay and when I rang your dad to let him know. Makes me feel old. I find it hard to believe that I’m only 32 yet I’m going to have a disease which I have to take medicine for all the rest of my life! And – I’ve already told you how much I hate blood tests – I have to have them relatively frequently to monitor it. Erk!! Anyway, it sounds like for you it might be bad news too – but hopefully we’ve found it in time & it won’t affect your development. I’ve had a search but can’t find much information about it – if I was taking a drug the whole time I was pregnant apparently its ok and little effect on you, but not sure what it means that I’m 8 weeks pregnant and only just starting. I know you don’t get your own thyroid gland until later, so hopefully you just don’t need anything at the moment…

..was going to write more but the tiredness is inescapable. going for a nap. love you.

-r

 

hiya! you are there. and you’ve got bigger November 5, 2008

Filed under: exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 10:15 pm
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Hiya Speck~

good work!  you’re now a more sizeable blob down there in my uterus.  Just slightly bigger than the yolk sac that is beside you..  And you’re due on the 25 June 2009 cause apparently you are exactly six weeks and six days old.  So yes, I must have had my dates all wrong or my body was all confused after the operation, cause that doesn’t tally with anything.

Anyway, pleased to say your Dad and I are very excited.  And worried.  There are apparently no free obstetricians available for the time you’re coming that haven’t already been booked out.  How does that work? I guess you have to come out regardless, so we’ll just have to cope.  But hopefully find one in the meantime.  So, we have your first printed photo.  Its a bit blurry, but that might be ’cause your heart was beating.  At 168 beats per minute, which is apparently in the normal range for your ‘age’.

blah blah blah. my mind can’t think straight, so I definitely can’t get a cohesive thought out to you.  Its jumping all around like a .. I can’t finish the sentence.

Tired, exhausted after a night at uni after finding out you were ok.  Your dad has aged about 3 years in one afternoon.  I think he is shocked.  But happy.  But shocked.  He jumped out of the chair when your heart beat.  Good on you!

Sleepy. Going to crash.  Its also a folding washing avoidance technique.

Love you

mum.